New post

It's so new! The newest of all posts.

Hopefully more later.

- J

See, this is exactly what I've been frustrated with.

I miss something for one day and then instantly - no matter if I've been doing it daily for a week or for six months - my consistency falls apart. Thanks a lot, brain. I'm really feeling like we're on the same team, here.
It's lunch time and I'm easting my birthday dinner leftovers. They are yummy. Thank you.

- J

The chronicles of non-blog-eeah

While I did entirely forget about blogging yesterday (which means that I was able to maintain my one-a-day pace for eight whole days), I did legitimately write - the beginning of a MH blog post. Two down now, with two to go.
To balance things out, I am actually blogging from home right now which I never do. Hopefully this will rewire some blocked synapses so that I don't shift gears quite so hard the second I leave work.

A year ago on my birthday I wrote about snakes. This year I can't think of any snake-based content, but content has been pretty thin all around of late. I recently recommended to my friend that he propose to his S/O by hiding a ring in a peanut jar of spring-loaded snakes. He said he would take my suggestion into consideration, but would probably employ a method less likely to lead to hospitalization.

-J

Malcontent

My cube-neighbor was playing a Christian radio station a little bit this afternoon and it really reminded me how underwhelmed and disconnected I feel with practically all Christian music. I don't mean to be a downer, but it really does not uplift me to listen to it. The only way I can explain it is by saying that what I hear on Spirit FM does not in any way sound like the song in my heart.
I have this feeling of bottled emotion and powerful chaotic energy inside me. I want to howl and stomp around a blazing bonfire in the middle of the woods. I want to swing my arms and spin until I fall over, and just lie there screaming gutteral cries. I want to laugh until I cry, and run until I collapse, and sing until my vocal cords won't obey anymore. I don't hear any sound like that on the radio. Not really in church either. Everyone is so well-behaved. If there's children dancing up front it's adorable, but - if we're realistic - only because they "don't know any better". Sure, we say "Oh it's so cute that they're uninhibited", but behind that statement is the implicit social judgment that being inhibited is proper. If a grownup went up and danced, everyone would feel incredibly uncomfortable with the situation. The deacons would probably pull him aside and ask him to stop. We laud behavior in the young that we forbid in the mature. This condradiction is burdonsome to think about, and unhealthy to ignore.
The closest thing I can think of to what I have inside me is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8VizD1xcuk
O, porcupine, by 'Mewithoutyou'.

-J

Writing projects

-'Generous' blog posts [1/4 complete]
-M:tG market analysis for COMC [Due: end of Dec]
-Verse for Hitchhiker's Guide song [Due: Dec 19]

And, of course, this blog.

-J

Content (the other meaning)

I feel pretty good. It's a little cold in the bottom half of the office. That is to say, we've got a heater but it only seems to really benefit the top-most shelves and whatever is above. We've probably got some cozy spiders, I guess.
I'm starting to feel more like an adult for a majority of my time awake. I'm not sure how to describe it except a certain "oldness" which is not yet enough to constitute Old. I think "adult" must be derived from some Sanskrit word meaning "bodily complaints", but it still beats being a kid. I like this grown-uppiness. I love being married. I want to get a tattoo of a box and then another tattoo of a check mark. Done. Got that marriage thing knocked out.

The rest of my life seems like such an abstract concept. I'm not sure I'll belive in it until it gets here.

- J

Content (1)

I'm really struggling with jealousy. When those around me are blessed with opportunity, I am finding it extremely difficult to simply rejoice for or with them fully; some part of me is twisted with covetousness, a greedy imp despising both istelf and the universe which fails to cater to it. I'm glad that God is revealing this in my heart. I know it's good for me, except I can't remember off hand what exactly I'm supposed to do about it. Trust God something something. Being a Christian is not like fixing a computer. I don't even know how to access my 'settings' menu.
There's no reason that reality should fall over itself to make my life easier. As I noted last night, I labor under the burden of Rich-Person Problems*. Oh no, my 12-month pre-paid Xbox LIVE account code which is only useful to me because I posess and Xbox 360, and games for it, and a steady internet connection, and was itself a gift to me from my friend was accidentally entered into the account of my beautiful wife instead of my own, so now I won't get imaginary credit for my imaginary achievements. Which I spend my real time laboring on.
It's a tragedy.
Actually, it is a tragedy, just not in the way it feels like to my impish brain. It is a lot easier to be jealous of other people than to actually DO anything. To sieze what amazing opportunity God has turned over in my life, like a celestial Vanna White flipping tiles in the bonus round. If I were to just focus, I'd realize that R-S-T-L-N-E has gotten me, like, ninety percent of the way there. I just need to choose three consonants and a vowel, and get my brain to work.

-J

* You down with RPP?**
** Yeah, you know me.

Forced Content (4)

It's been a few days of this now, which means the forgetting is starting in earnest. It feels like an active force in opposition to me. Today I didn't remember this blog until my second break. If I had missed it now, I would have never recalled it after heading home. The gears simply shift in a way that is very difficult to counteract. I think differently.
I have a phone call to make, so I need to cut this short, but it's just as well since whenever I sit down to actually do this, all content flees screaming from my head. I enjoyed leading the discussion in our Community Group last night. I'd like to do it again.

- J

Forced Content (3)

Yes! I am boldly continuing, despite having noting to say. Thinking about it, I would rather have a blog where I wrote every day about how I didn't have anything to say than a blog where I only posted twice a month to lament about how I never write anymore. Like, neither of those is frankly ideal, but the goal is twofold here:
1) Consistency. I need to just continue writing. Keep those fingers dancing across the keyboard. Quantity over quality for the sake of building the right muscles in my brain. To make writing a Thing That I Do.
2) Perseverance. There are going to be stretches of time like this where just don't feel like I can produce anything of merit. It may well be absolutely true, but if I don't work through it then I will just stall out. I mean, demonstrably. That's pretty much the recurring story here.

I have this dream where my mind can provide for my family with the things it comes up with for my hands to type out. I've always had this dream, and it has always felt impossibly unrealistic. It's even more far-fetched, though, if I'm not physically writing things; that is an insurmountable prereequisite.

- J

Forced Content (2)

Here we go. And by "we", we mean "I". And by "go", we mean "am sitting at my computer again completely not knowing what to write." But, despite this apparant fundamental flaw, there is a distinctive noise coming from the keyboard where my fingers are ticky-tacking over a row of buttons with strange symbols on them.


**fifteeen minutes of dead air**


Mercifully I was called away for a task. Unfortunately, when I returned to my desk, my computer was just where I left it and had not spontaneously generated any content for me.

In the time it would take a thousand monkeys chained to a thousand typewriters to unionize themselves and demand fair labor practices...

Once upon a time there was a story that had a beginning that went exactly like this sentence does.

- J

Forced Content (1)

I've been crawling around my own mind today like a millipede trying to reach the end of a slinky. Every time I feel like i've gotten somewhere it all looks terribly familiar. Progress is impossible to judge; my back legs are just in front of me.
The word "opportunity" keeps dangling around like it's attached by a string to the stick of someone riding me. I'm not even sure what it means anymore. Just that I want to leave my kids a legacy of more than just what I've got right now. And by legacy, let's be honest here, I mean money primarily. It's hard to see right now. I feel like i'm not going anywhere, but that life is streaming by so quickly. The days are so full of blocks of dedicated time, and during the intermissions all I can muster is a bathroom break and a few moments of wondering whetehr a snickerdoodle is actually worth three dollars.
I've got plenty of "opportunity"... screening shirts, investigating the Magic market, bugging Shane for extra work. Writing. And even that short list feels overwhelming, since where will the time come from? I feel certain that a better man would have set himself up in such a way that he would not have these problems. A smarter, harder-working, more reliable, respectible man would have a higher salary, use it to live in a nicer home, and to provide for the beautiful wife that somehow I ended up with instead of him. Of course, the rub of it is that I feel like I should have been that man, with all the talent I've got going for me. I've reached the point where discussions with myself about talent are all in retrospect. Returning to school is completely unrealistic. The clock only runs one direction, and my younger self badly misunderstood the nature of "Real Life". I tend to actively regret all the money I've wasted, but the time is a far worse sting.
When we sin, it is easy to convince ourselves to continue. It's a way of granting ourselves an ugly parody of the freedom that is actually offered by repentance. In the same way, it is terrifyingly easy for me to excuse the wasting of time presently, because of the pathetic foolishness of my past from birth up through yesterday.
God's mercies are new every day. I must ask for them, and accept them, and live in light of them, every day. There is no yesterday in Christ. There is only Opportunity.

Why am I tempted to bear that blessing as if it were a burden?

- J

Love Letters from the Skeleton Kingdom of the Moon - Part 4

Cable approached the damp musician with a measured pace. The man was sitting cross-legged, with a black velvet top hat out in front of him. Whether there was money in the chaparrel was impossible to tell, since it was half-full of water. As cable drew near, he could see that the man's eyes were glowing a pleasant lemon-yellow.
"Hello, Evan," said Cable. Evan Worth was someone who Cable had met on a previous case. Last time, though, he had been playing the accoridian and running from the law. "You're a long way from Prague."
The man, Evan, smiled at Cable winningly. "Hello, detective," he chimed, not pausing the uneasy melody of his guitar. "I hear you've got a tough case."
"News travels fast around here. Still palling around with zombies, are you?" Cable barbed, knowing that his day of investigation must have stirred the hive.
"They're so much more decent than the living," the guitar player bantered back, "They tell you right up front that all they're interested in is eating your brain." Evan giggled, still smiling braodly. "With the pre-dead, you've got to dance around it all night. Present company excepted, of course"
Cable smiled in spite of himself. Evan had his flaws, but on the whole the gumshoe liked him. Sort of in the way that a man trapped underground in a tomb liked a fresh breath of nitrous oxide. It didn't help, but it was not altogether unwelcome. Reaching into the pocket of his soaked trenchcoat, Cable retrieved thirty-five cents and a city bus token. He tossed them into the musician's top hat where they disappeared with a wet 'plorp' sound. Evan dipped his head in appreciation.
"I know you're the kind of person who hears things," Cable said meaningfully. Evan's eyebrows raised as his fingers found a diminished chord. "Do you know any deceased who might have been sending mash notes to one Mrs. Jones?"
Evan grinned an insane grin. "Well," he chirped, "you're right about me hearing things." He paused for a long time and closed his eyes while he wound his way around an extended cadenza. Cable was patient, already as wet as it was possible for a human to become and thus in no further danger from the precipitation. "I owe you from before," Evan offered. It was true; Prague had been a bad memory to Cable for a long time. "I have my little failings, but I pay my debts," the musician finished. Meridian nodded.
Evan stopped his music abruptly and looked Cable squarely in the eye. The lack of music seemed to echo through the empty street. "Those envelopes, word got round that they has some funny numbers on them."
"Do you know what they mean?" Cable inquired without hesitation. Evan smiled a little smile and stood up, placing his guitar in the concrete corner of the stairs that lead up to the hotel. Bending over, he picked up his hat and swiftly put it on to prevent the contents from pouring out.
"Do you know that Hindu werewolf that hangs out down by the airport?" he asked directly.
"The guy they call 'Hairy Krishna'? Yeah, I've heard of him," Cable said, narrowing his eyes.
"He might be able to help you. Well, so long gumshoe." Evan then rounded the edge of the stairs and walked away, down the street in the pouring rain, without looking back. Cable glanced at the abandoned guitar, considered the warm lobby of the Russle Hotel with fondness for a moment, and then flagged down a taxi.

- J

This blog's one-year anniversary is about a month away. Even though the wagon I fell off of is now solidly out of sight, I still feel pretty good about the project. A mistake was not definining terms, but leaving the project open-ended. "I will write something every day... forever I guess." Well, that's not very realistic. I did it for a few months, which was good, and I was about halfway consistant after that through the summer. I chronicled a good year for chronicling, and most importantly I married you which was basically the whole purpose of this journal. Coming home to you is infinitely better than writing to you here.

Things That Should Be Disallowed: Rhyming "world" with "girl".

- J

Holy cats, I completely forgot about my blog!

- J

Beryllium

Going to bed, but I remembered to write something.
I've been meditating on 1 Tim 3:4 where it says that overseers must manage their own households well, with all dignity keeping their children submissive. I like it. It's such a practical and powerful one-stop shop for parenting goals.
NOT DIGNIFIED:
Shouting
Threatening
Intimidating
Bribing
Begging
Demeaning
Hurting

I believe discipline should be practiced in the home, but that it's infrequency is a direct measure of Godly parenting. That is to say, the better my relationship with God and understanding and applying of my role as a father, the less often my kids should need physical discipline. Have few rules, and the few are commensurately important to reinforce. Don't be a legalist or scorekeeper. Lead with your love, live as an example, and initiate _before_ there is a need to respond.

- J

Flourine

Today is September 24th, which means that exactly five months ago I asked you to be my wife. And you said yes! I still think it's remarkable.

I've been coming to really look forward to Friday nights. It's probably the part of my life I think about second-most (first-most being you). I love hanging out with those guys, and playing around in the little world I dreamed up. There's still a lot of ways I can improve as a Dungeon Master, but they're very patient about it and extend me a lot of grace. I won't miss it a huge amount when we're on our honeymoon, but I'll be glad to come home when we come home.

- J

Neon

I am increasingly unimpressed with Hyundai's customer service.

I was thinking about babies before I was thinking about how Hyundai of Kirland is lackluster, and that was a more interesting thought excusion. I was actually thinking about God and how He created us. He created time and space for us to live in, and then He made these little creatures who shared part of His nature. He loved them with all of His love, but also allowed them to choose whether or not they would love Him back. But regardless of their choice, He decided to love them and do good to them. It struck me that this is not so different from having a child, and it isn't coincedental. The end game of both the macro and micro process is the same: glory to God. The process is parallel for a reason. Someone who has children is capable - not guaranteed, but capable - of understanding God in a way that someone without children is not.

- J

Magnesium

Dave let Jade change his football call after seeing everyone else's picks, so he picked the most mathematically advantageous number and ended up winning. That's not magical powers; that's just gaming the system. This doesn't sit too well with me, even though I was fourth or fifth place. Greg picked 41 over my 40, but he did it blind so that's just my bad luck. If I had been allowed to re-pick after seeing Greg's number, I sure would have changed my call too. Of course, Jade's a hustler and he did ask. He didn't cheat, he simply asked Dave something that the rest of us didn't. We had all assumed no re-picks. This week that rule will hopefully be implemented.

Dana left me some oatmeal cookies this morning which was great. They're re-paving the asphault at the condo today, so I'll have to find a creative parking solution.
I slept hard last night. It was pretty great.

- J

Aluminium

For the second week in a row, my Monday Night Football prediction was dang close.
LAST WEEK
Prediction - Chargers: 21 / KC: 17 / Total: 38
Actual - Chargers 14 / KC: 21 / Total: 35

THIS WEEK
Prediction - New Orleans: 21 / 49ers: 19 / Total: 40
Actual - New Orleans: 25 / 49ers: 22 / Total: 47

I'm off by seven, which I'm guessing is far enough that I won't win (given that most people picked the Saints) but I'm surprised by how accurate my gut has been thus far.

IT ALSO HAPPENED TONIGHT: Kevin Klevjer called me with sound board trouble at his Movie Night I Wanted To Take You To But It Didn't Work Out (And Also I Kinda Forgot). (Or MNIWTTYTBIDWO(AAIKF) for short). And I was able to help, and the day was saved. =)

- J

Silicon

Good morning everything. I am at work, and all the things I'm trying to do keep giving me computer errors. Or we're missing the necessary supplies. I don't really mind, since it's no real problem or fault of mine, but I don't like the feeling of company money being wasted as I try to find workarounds. But it's a good day. I had an apple fritter at Sunrise Donuts, and sold my rainsuit, and some unspecified college football game is on in the background. And I read my bible, and I think I'm caught up on 1 Tim.

Last night's game was pretty epic. For the second time in as many weeks, the key changes I made to the combat encounters turned out to be the only reason that the players survived. They had made camp next to a mystical circle carved into the floor of a cave, and it turned out to be a portal through which bad guys suddenly began to spill. The "wave-upon-wave" nature of the fight made it interesting, since the players had no idea how many rounds of reinforcements there would be, only that the boss of the monsters was on his way. As-written, the boss was supposed to be this axe-wielding death machine berserker, but I didn't think he was a good fit for the fight so I swapped him for another boss from later in the same adventure: an extremely fat goblin who was deceptively quick and had a lot of tricks up his sleeve. He was a great opponent, and everyone cheered when he was beaten.
The fight began well for the players, but the tide quickly turned against them as more and more bad guys joined the fray. When David's healer fell, everyone suddenly realized how dire the situation was. A heroic effort was made to fight through the enemy line, and on a last-chance dice roll, Josh's wizard succeeded at applying first-aid and saving David's life. Things were still touch-and-go for the rest of the battle, with all four characters coming close to death at various points. when they fianally triumphed there was much relieved sighing and celebration.
In the published adventure (from which I am constructing our game), the fight was supposed to throw all of the enemies at the players at once, with the much more difficult boss monster (who I will save for another fight later), and extra reinforcements. they wouldn't have stood a chance. As it was, I was genuinely worried that they wouldn't survive a couple of times during the night. I'm glad that I've played some 4th edition so that I can see where things need tweaking and rebalancing.

Next week the players will meet Ech, the runty goblin. I am excited by this; he's going to be a great source of role-playing for the group.

- J

Phosphorus

I skipped chlorine and sulfer because they suck.

It's a good day. Technically it's still morning, but the day has a momentum of 'positive' going on that I like. Holy cats, though! I just realized how far behind I've fallen in my 1 Tim memorization. Not cool.

Free pizza for lunch from The Boss, and good music on KEXP. It is a good day.

- J

Argon

My brain is still scuba-diving in clouded water. I know that everything will be okay, and I know that there is a great deal of momentum carrying us along, but it's straining my eyes trying to see it clearly.
Maybe it'll help to write a list.

THINGS I AM THINKING ABOUT

Follow up with S_____ M_____ R_____
Write back to Erika
Plan moving my stuff / start packing
Write to Other Dudes about That One Thing
Pray
Catch up in 1 Tim memorization
Pay ECS
Pay Mercer View
Get ribbon to Mike's Amazing Cakes / pay for cake
Find out about storage rental rates / sizes
Finalize tux order
Get marriage license
Reconnect with Ari re: schedule
Coordiate wedding volunteers
Dance with Erin
Take car to Hyundai for service / plate drilling
Sketch out day-of-wedding checklist
Follow up with non-response invitatees
Sell tickets
Sell helmet
Sell couch

Also I'm dropping a lot of letters from my words as I type. Tiredness / stress / tiredness. But writing it out helps, since I have a hard time thinking about more than one thing at a time. Much to do. Limited hours. I am grateful to God for a job that lets me take a two-hour lunch when I need to.

- J

Potassium

It's so early in the day, nothing has happened for me to chronicle yet. I am abandoned to my own uninfluenced brainwave activity. This is a dodgy proposition.
The guys didn't come over this morning, so I actually was able to get some other things done. Apparantly Taylor has moves to Queen Anne, so he won't be part of the group at all anymore. I feel pleasanly productive wedding-wise. I think I should be more excited, though. I mean, that's the way normal people are suppoed to feel, right? A mounting buzz of excitement. I don't have that. I just feel good about everything. I'm totally confident that this is the right thing to do, we're doing it in the right way, the timing is great, and everything is going well. I don't have any reservations, cold feet, nervousness, pangs of anxiety, or dark premonitions of doom. It feels right. Right enough that I forget how big of a life-change it is. Right enough that it's obvious. The only thing I'm stressed about is moving. Spending the rest of my life with you is like the easy part, and selling or carting over all my stuff is what's churning my brain.
Shrug. No complaints. I'd rather be weird than spend the next three weeks as a big ball of neruoses.

-J

Titanium

Long day pretty much over! I am very pleased by this. I feel like my posting has been reactionary lately, merely focusing on whatever emotional butterful I'm currently chasing. Even now as I sit down to write, my brain carefully blanks itslef and purges all ideas I may have had for writing subjects. I'm like an etch-a-sketch, seriously.
There is so much going on right now, but I'm happy about most of it. All of it, I guess. Even the tough stuff. I'm sure I had more to say, but it's gone.

- J

Vanadium

I've hit the frustrating curve of apologetics once more, which is briefly: I spend an hour or more carefully constucting a well thought out, polite, biblically sound response to each of a series of questions; my conversational partner then spends ninety seconds poking holes and/or demanding further answers and/or dismissing me and/or declaring that our differences cannot be reconciled.
I feel like I have a better head for what to expect now, which makes it easier to know what things to focus on and what to ignore, but it's still tiring. We got pizza today for I.T. Brent's birthday, so that's good. Although it was Pizza Hut, so that's bad. But NFL football starts tonight, so that's good. I think i'm still net-positive. I asked David K. if it might work to watch the Seahawks season opener at his place on Sunday, and he said that would probably be fine. Nothing is set in stone, so we can talk about how we're feeling as it gets closer.
Love you. Love that we're like-minded.

- J

Chromium

Didn't sleep much. Dear future Jeremy: mochas can be made decaf too. It's true!
This morning I was lying in bed and thinking about how I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you. It was weird to think about... I've never done that with anyone before. Like, after we get married you'll always be around. Everything will be in the context of "together".
It'll take some getting used to, I imagine. I hope I'm not bad at it for too long. I mean, I guess I'll have a while to get good, but I want to be good right away. Or at least feel like I'm improving.
Bedtime is going to be SO different than now.

- J

Manganese

I am resolute in my refusal to drink coffee today. I don't want my brain to lean on a substance over bed-going-to-time wisdom. Ten thirty last night, which is still too late by, like, an hour, and I didn't sleep great. Which at this point needs to be my working assupmtion when planning my evening cutoffs.
Geoff is out with an eye infection, and our printers don't feel much like working. Between both unfortunate circumstances it's going to be a bumpy week. A nap on the couch seems prudent.
Looking forward to tonight. And the rest of my life.

- J

9/1/10

Heather my coworker told me she doesn't eat bacon because she's a Christian. This bothered me enough that I looked up some verses (i.e. Jesus saying "eat whatever you want") and facebooked them to her. I hope this was okay. It really surprised me when I heard it. I was all, "... but... what? No, you're thinking of Jews. We have a whole new testament. It's awesome!"
I'm sleepy. I blame blood loss. Dang vampiric doctors. At least I'm caught up on hours for the day.
Right, I need to drink water.

- J

I remembered

to write something.

i used up all my interesting tonight now all i have left is this dwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - *ahhh* - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

- J

8/30/10

Last night in the booth when you forgot to hit the video switch button, I felt really empathetic. I know that's a terrible feeling, and I was glad to just hold you. After the service, though, I started to feel very upset at Thomas Hurst. I still feel a personal hurt over how I perceive I was mistreated by him while I was working for the church. I felt like if that had happened while I was Production Manager, I would have been grilled about it. Why did that happen? Why aren't your volunteers trained? What are you going to do about it to make sure it doesn't happen again? Why wasn't I told about this immediately? I doubt that Jason Skelton heard a word about it from anyone. Because adults tend to treat adults like mistakes happen, but they often treat children like mistakes are either willful neglect or immature foolishness. I always felt treated like a child while working for Thomas; no flexibility, no independence, and bearing the weight of what he felt was his total responsibility. If one of my volunteers made a mistake, then I had failed, and if I had failed, then he had failed, and that was the part that was totally unacceptable to him. Professional caliber work was expected from me, with no competent technical oversight, no training, no support, and no margin for error.
On my first day there, Thomas overheard part of a conversation I had with a volunteer, put it into an imagined context, and simply rendered judgement about me that I was more of a work-in-progress than most. He pulled me into Chris' office, explained to me how I had sinned against my volunteer, and demanded that I personally call them to apologize. That was how our work relationship began, and it never really evolved. Over seven months, we got lunch together exactly once, and we spent more than half of that time driving around looking for restaurants that he thought were open on Sunday.

I know that this post is a lot of complaining about the past, but I was surprised last night by how strongly I still felt hurt by the way I was treated by Mars Hill in general and Thomas specifically. I reminded myself then (and as I'm writing this I do so again) that God is my Justifier. If I was treated unfairly He knows, and He will take care of it. If I was not treated unfairly - which is possible, since I don't have an unbiased view - He knows that too. I hope and trust that He will mature me to the point where I have a better understanding of how to conduct myself in either circumstance.

- J

I forgot what eight was for

Long week was long. And I'm pretty sure the reason was that I've been slacking off in my prayer and bible reading. It's the same story! I've written about this before. I feel like I'm catching it earlier this time, but the real test will be what I DO about it.
Symptoms of wilting spiritual life:
1) Tired
2) Listless
3) Poor decision-making (see: bedtime)
4) Positive emotions seem heavier to carry
5) I'm not asking you what you're reading / what God's teaching you, what can I pray for you about.

Grr. Not good enough.

- J

I am still depressingly bad at basketball. I'm glad that no part of my paycheck depends on my ability to hit basic freethrows. =/
This week is actually very good. A bad habit of mine is to let the most recent event determine how I'm feeling about everything. A second bad habit related to the first is to emotionally round down. If something bad happens, then something good happens, I still tend to end up lower than middle. I need to internalize a longer-term view. Not be "tossed about on the waves" like James rebukes believers for. I'm not sure exactly how this happens. I'm pretty sure I can't do it on my own, but I also feel a responsibility for it; it's a frustrating position to be in. But despite the way this post sounds, I'm doing well. Having a night off this evening will be very good for me, I expect. I'm just venting a bit. Which is, largely, the sustaining force of blogs.
I need to be useful. That'll pep me up. Time to make some phone calls.

- J

8/18/10

Arcade Fire is playing the Key arena on Wednesday, September 29th. Curse you Arcade Fire! Why couldn't you play the Key Arena on Wednesday, October 6th? Then I wouldn't feel torn because I would be busy doing other things. You're playing the week before I get married. I will be TOO BUSY to go see you, and also TicketMaster are jerks. Seriously, $38 is totally worth it for a ticket to see you, but over $12 in fees cranks that up to over fifty which is kind of unreasonable for any band I can think of. I hardly think Cirque du Soleil is worth fifty dollars. Of course, they ACTUALLY charge a hundred, but that's wandering wide of the point.
So I will skip you, you cutting-edge stadium rockers, you. As much as it makes me sad. I will go see Cloud Cult at the ShowBox instead, which is 1) only $20 per ticket (plus spit-take-inducing fees), 2) NOT the week before my wedding and 3) a much more intimate experience than the Key.
=P

-J

8/17/10

ME: What does "Noel" mean, anyway?
MY BRAIN: Isn't it a German word? Doesn't it just mean "Christmas"?
ME: Okay. But what does "Christmas" mean?
MY BRAIN: Well, it's from Old English. It's means "Christ's Mass".
ME: Well, what's Christ's Mass?
MY BRAIN: That's easy. It's Christ's force divided by Christ's acceleration.

- J

Productive Jeremy is productive

Blog blog blog. That's all I ever seem to do besides forget to memorize scripture. I went home early from work today because my brain wasn't braining. The heat just sautéed my cortex. Anyway there was so much to do at home that I judged it better to be useful there than dead weight in the warehouse.
So I've done less thought-intensive things like laundry and bill-pay-ery. And now blogging. So there's that too.
I gotta go. I'm writing now because I know I won't do it later, or I'll only remember to do it when I'm driving home, and as soon as I actually get home suddenly I will magically forget.
Bleh. Still, things are good.

- J

proof of concept

Idea for a new shirt design.

- J

42:11 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

I am convinced of the goodness of God, no matter how deficient my ability to perceive it. Things are not terrible. To the contrary; they are encouraging. It is still this life, however, and it is marked with toil and difficulty. I am glad for it, in my own strange way. Glad for the opportunity to better appreciate every generosity poured out on us by God.
I want to see you, because I always want to see you. But I also want to see you so I can talk to you about the future, and the ways it might look. Your wisdom is a great treasure to me.

- J

Incredible Filler Blog 5000

Now with 10% more words!
I've noted before the pattern I've observed: consistency until even the slightest miss, and then unraveling. It has played out here in this blog, despite my best intentions. The brain begins sending reminder signals at the worst possible moments ("Hey J - I know you're driving in heavy traffic, but remember to write something today!" Thanks, brain. Good lookin' out.) I should really look into how to build patterns of success. Cognitive psychology is a powerful tool, and is surprisingly resilient to observational bias. That is to say, even though you know you're playing a trick on your own brain, it usually still works.
You're over helping with the invitations, and you just texted me from the other room which makes me love you more. This is all wonderful. I want to be greater than I am. I want to surpass my own boundaries. How blessed I am to have the Holy Spirit dwelling in me; my goal would be so foolishly hopeless otherwise.

- J

I figured out what happened with the Cabrio. You remember when I turned it off, I said the key kind of "popped" back? It was stuck. When I turned the key to start the engine, it got jammed forward somehow and was continually firing the starter even though the car was on. That's what caused that loud popping, and when the starter gave out it stopped. The car almost certainly would have been fine if I had just had the sense to turn it off and start it again before we left Lynnwood.
I still needed a new car. And I suppose that if it hadn't happened, I wouldn't have moved so quickly, and I never would have gotten the Hyundai, and God wouldn't have moved in David's heart and we wouldn't have an amazing testimony to share or a nice safe reliable vehicle for me. I'm not second-guessing it. Or at least, I'm trying hard not to. I am grateful that God is never hindered in His actions by my foolishness.

- J

8/5/10

I love my life right now. I love being alive; I love you, and being engaged to you. There's music and this wake of energy flowing towards the shore. Everything is colorful and full of moving particles.

- J

8/2/10

"I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus." [1 Tim 1:12-14]

There's a lot here. This is about as far as I've memorized at this point (and the last few verses are still shakey). But let's talk about Jesus.
JESUS:
*Gives strength
*Is Lord
*Judges people's hearts
*Enlists people in his service
*Has opponents
*Gives grace, even to his enemies
*Is the source of faith
*Is the source of love

Jesus never said "I am God." That's a verse that is nowhere in the bible. Everyone else said it, though. I mean, these three verses are dead clear. I think it's because of what he said to us - that the one who humbles himself will be exalted. Jesus doesn't need to say that he is God, because God has no need to assert His own identity. Whether we believe it or not has zero bearing on whether or not it is true. So he doesn't try to convince us, or argue it, or even really answer the question because he doesn't answer to us either. He just is, and lives it as an example, and lets us either choose to follow and believe or not. I'd probably trust that more than a guy going around demanding that he WAS God. It's a good example for us. Am I a hard worker? A devoted husband? I faithful Christian? I don't need to declare any of these things about myself. I need to be them, and let other people lift me up as the Lord leads.

- J

7/30/10

I had a lot to say yesterday, but I was mentally frazzled to the point where I forgot most everything. Today is the quarterly meeting at work, and then we'll get to play a game where we each win some trading cards and can put them on the site for free. Then, next Monday, people will start heading out to Baltimore for the national card convention. It will be a good week to prove my stuff. I still don't feel like I have a handle on all the irregular packaging minutia, but the majority of the process is in my pocket now.
God is good to me, and protects me from a lot of things. One take-away from this week is that I shouldn't make large purchasing decisions without a second pair of eyes to back me up. I'm too absent-minded. I don't think I've made a terrible choice in buying this car, but I feel like I very easily could have. That's not a tremendous sense of personal security.
It's all okay, though. An excellent choice I have made is to ask you to marry me. If I ace the final, it's not that I don't feel bad about messing up some homework assignments during the class; it's that proportionately it simply matters less.

- J

Good morning, mood.

I got an email this morning from Mr. Ban Ki-Moon.

From: "Mr Ban Ki-Moon"
baaaannnkiimoonnn@mail.com

To: undisclosed-recipients

We are very sorry for the delay in transferring your over-due contract payment the sum US$10M USD into your personal Account for the pass 4 years now; sorry for the delay, and listen while we present our good reasons to you.

View attached message for more details and get back to me.

Will do, Mr. Secretary-General. I like his email address. It's like he's repeating his name for the fourth time to a confused tourist.
I'm writing now because I won't have sufficient oomph later. I'm off to work, and then a barbecue, which I assume is why today is the first overcast day in more than a week.
Alright! I'm off.

- J

7/27/10

I've realized that my functional view of heaven includes power windows and remote keyless entry. I don't need these things, and my life is decomplicated without them, but part of my brain won't get on board.
I like my new car because it will keep me humble. I don't require features to be happy. It seems I've forgotten. My first car was a lot like this car. Except it broke every fifteen days and smelled a little funny. Some day I'll drive a different car than this one I have now, and on that day I will have just as absent a need for custom luxury packages. Maybe life will be such that buying a car with a few neat tricks will be an okay thing to do. That would be welcome, but not for the toys; for the other things that would be necessary in our life first to allow such a margin of comfort.
Gray is a fine car. A simple, plain, unremarkable car that is a wonderful gift from God, and will remind me not to lust after the treasures marketed to me by the earth. I would much rather have a washing machine, hot running water, and a refrigerator than any add-on to a vehicle. This car will safely transport me and my family to our destination. That's called success, and everything above that success is vestigial. And much like the appendix, it's starkly noticeable and dramatically more irritating when it goes wrong.

- J

Post of postiness

Post post. Bed time now. I love you. I was going to write something about nickels, but it wasn't coming together. Delete delete.
See you soon.

- J

I really dislike being the first one knocked out in a large game of HORSE. I'm competitive; I'm a guy. I want to win. And I know I'm almost certainly not going to, but if I'm not out first then I at least beat somebody. I should look at it as a charity work. No one else had to feel bad because they were the first one out. I'm so nice! But even though I've been practicing on my breaks, I still don't stand a chance against these guys. Today the deck was stacked against me... I went after one of the best guys, and the guy before him wasn't hitting anything.
I'm frustrated because I'm tired, and because being knocked out first sucks, and because I was having fun playing with the guys in the sunshine and now I can't because I lost.
Today was good otherwise.

- J

7/21/10

A coworker turned on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" at work today. I only saw snippets, but from my desk I could hear most of it. I was mildly appalled... mildly because I wasn't surprised by it. The idea of every comedy show is "sit back, and we will present to you funny things. This is funny!" It wasn't funny, though; it was repulsive.
Becoming a Christian has definitely altered my sense of humor. I can't enjoy a lot of things I used to laugh at. Humor is an intriguing psycho-sociological cloak that we drape over experience. I laugh at a lot of things that are probably humorless to most people, but I don't think any of them involve characateures of suffering in the fashion that is presented by the majority of current (and probably past) comedy shows. To me a dysfunctional marriage has no business being mined for jokes. It's too important, too tragic. Laughing distances ourselves and diminishes the seriousness of the reality.

- J

1:1 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by command of God our Savior, and of Christ Jesus our hope.
1:2 To Timothy: my true child in the faith; grace, mercy, and peace to you from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.
1:3 As I urged you when I was going to Macedonia, remain at Ephasis so that you may charge certain persons not to teach any different doctrine.

=)

- J

Waiting-for-biscuits post

My cheese biscuits are in the oven, and I've got just enough time to write something totally uninteresting. Here I go!

...

1:1 - Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by command of God our savior and of Christ Jesus our hope.

I did that from memory. My .doc file says that "Savior" should be capitalized, but otherwise I'm right on. =) It's a start. Beginnings of course are almost always easiest. You pick up the most knowledge for the least effort. If you know two guitar chords, then learning a third one is a 50% increase. If you know twenty, then twenty-one is harder to remember and less big a deal. I'm not sure I do know twenty. Not by name, anyway. Well, I guess a lot are just variations... A, Am, B, Bm, Bb, Bbm, A4, C... maybe I know twenty after all. I don't have anything up the neck except barre chords though. =(
So sleepy! Why, why must coffee taste so bad?
Alright, gotta check on my biscuits.

- J

7/15/10

Are you kidding me? I haven't written anything all week? Surely, surely I thought I had not missed three days in a row.

Boo.

"Now we know that the law is good, if one uses it lawfully, understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine, in accordance with the gospel of the glory of the blessed God with which I have been entrusted." [1 Tim 1:8-11]

In the previous passage, Paul upbraided certain teachers of the law. In this caveat, he makes it clear that the problem is not within the law itself. Christians shouldn't need to be instructing one another in the law, as the Jews would do amongst themselves. Christians should be righteous and just! There is a parallel here to Matthew 9:12, where Jesus remarks, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick." Jesus came to save sinners, and the law was sent to the lawless. The law is a blessing to all, for even lawbreakers are protected by law from other lawbreakers. But those who profess a love of Christ should not contradict themselves by breaking the law. If they do, they testify against the faith - against order, against obedience, against humbleness, against divine law. How can we tell everyone that they should bend the knee to our authority if we are selective about what laws we obey? Isn't that the same as selecting which verses to believe? "For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it." James 2:10
Therefore we need grace from God all the more, since we are accountable not only to the law which we do not uphold, but also to the higher calling of holiness in Christ.

- J

Magic: back in the saddle

Hi, my name is Jeremy, and I'm a recovering nerd. Well, I suppose "recovering" isn't entirely accurate. To be honest, just remove it from that first sentence and it'll read more truthfully. I am a great big nerd. On July 10th, though, I revved it up into an arena of nerdiness I had sworn off for over ten years; I played in a sealed deck tournament of Magic: The Gathering, 2011.
I was just out of elementary school when I bought my first Magic cards, and every dollar I obtained from ages ten to seventeen went into my collection. Eventually, though, I gave away all my cards to a friend and walked away. And now I'm back, sitting at Uncle's Games in Bellevue, and signed up for the noon prerelease event of the brand new Magic edition.
This was my first time opening a booster pack in a decade, and as the clock slowly inched towards twelve, I found myself feeling nervous. A broad array of players were slowly filling the cozy shop, and I recognized all the old demographics: young kids accompanied by their parents, teens with their card collections in binders under their arms, a good number of men about my age, and a few older stalwarts in their forties and fifties. How many expansion sets of Magic have come out since I stopped playing? Twenty? I wonder to myself if I will even recognize the terminology. Two boys behind me are excitedly discussing the preview cards that Magic's publisher, Wizards of the Coast, have shown on their website. One is thrilled that his favorite is back for another round. "He's not very good," he concedes about the card, "Well... he's pretty good. But he's cool!" That's the Magic I remember loving. It's not just a deck; it's a stack of cardboard heroes.
At 12:03 my name is called, and I'm handed six booster packs by the well-organized guys behind the counter. In my absence from the game, I've occasionally peeked at the state of affairs and it has seemed like every set of cards is stronger than the last. As I settle in at one of the sturdy wooden tables, I wonder to myself what overpowered monsters I'll get to unleash. I open my first pack.

Every booster pack of Magic contains one rare card, and I quickly flip through to see what the first component of my arsenal will be. "Sealed Deck" tournaments are a different format than regular games of Magic. Each player receives a half a dozen boosters for a total of ninety cards, with which they make a deck of no less than forty. The number forty is misleading though, since almost half of a well-built deck will be different colored land cards to power the spells. The staff at Uncle's is well-stocked with each of the five lands, and as players finish their tinkering, they approach the register and are supplied with their land cards for free. Selecting which color of land to focus on is crucial for a tournament of this format. My first rare card is red, so as I open my second pack I cross my fingers for a run of good luck and another red rare. I pull a rare land card! I smile, since it is a combination of two colors. Sadly, my fortune turns. My third rare is white. I make my way through the rest. Green, another white, and then I find it: a third rare white called "Vengeful Archon". My eyes boggle as I look at how powerful it is. White looks like my color today.
It takes me almost the entire time allotted to deck construction just to browse through my cards and learn their abilities, so as the clock runs out I simply grab my white and green cards and shuffle them together. The minimum deck size is forty, but mine weighs in at sixty, obese by sealed deck standards. My name is called out, and for my first game of Magic in a very long time I'm paired up with a teen named Michael. He was born the same year that Magic came out. I feel old.
Michael snagged three green powerhouse cards, and our best-two-out-of-three contest begins with my deck being staggeringly crushed. Back on my heels, I rallied my forces and came back to snag a win in game two. Game three came down to the wire, and on the last turn Michael played a card that would be just enough to grant him victory if he won a required coin flip. He called heads and I tossed it up. Tails. I let out a sigh of relief and shake his hand. These are the moments that make Magic great.
I went on to win about half my games on Saturday. My cards were decent, but so were everyone else's. My final opponent played a merciless white and black deck that was tuned to perfection, and it was honestly a pleasure to lose to him. Everyone I met at the tournament was incredibly nice, the sportsmanship was tremendous. In the end, my white card that I thought would win me every match wasn't so overpowered after all. As big and scary as he looked, he didn't live in a vacuum, and my opponents were all inventive and impressive in dealing with him. Omar cast a spell that returned him to the top of my deck, and then forced me to discard him. John, a father accompanied by his son and "life coach" Cole, exiled him to another dimension. It was nice to be proven wrong about my assumptions, and truly it was even better to see the strong and diverse following that Magic still enjoys.
When I finally had to leave for the day, I drove away feeling that the Magic brand is being well taken care of by Wizards of the Coast. The feel of the game has changed a bit since my younger days, but listening to the energized chatter surrounding me on Saturday I know that the soul is still the same. The crowd surrounding my old hobby is just as enthusiastic and diverse as ever, and they felt like old friends. My name is Jeremy, and I am still a nerd.

- J

Transcription

Jenn Odell July 8 at 2:08pm

Would you ever take part in a demonstration such as the one described below?

it seems to me...: I Hugged a Man in His Underwear. And I am Proud.

Jeremy Williams July 9 at 8:22am

The short answer is no. I found the post a very interesting read (and I would have read it regardless of the post name because you sent it to me). I feel that, in general, Christians shouldn't demonstrate. This is not a rule, I want to stress, and my sentiment applies most strongly to Christians who demonstrate to convey their annoyance / hate / condemnation. It's worth noting that the only people that Jesus preached condemnation to were the religious people. Paul backs this up in in 1st Cor 6 - we have no business judging non-believers. That's God's job. It is ours neither to judge nor condemn people who don't love Jesus. If we do, we put ourselves in the place of God as the pharisees did in Jesus' day.
God cares about our hearts, and will use a relationship with us to change our words and deeds until they are in alignment with Him. Changing words and deeds first is profitless, so telling non-Christians "Don't do that sin" is not only hypocritical, it's unhelpful too.
We should always repent and ask forgiveness for our own sin. This demonstration, though, is a grey area. Some of these protesters are legitimately apologizing, but many are repenting of the sins of others. That doesn't work. It's no different than Jesus' parable of the pharisee and the tax collector in Luk 18:10. It's just a different form of arrogance - judging yourself to be better than those Christians who judge themselves to be "better than the homos". You see, it's a trap. If you've sinned against someone, God calls you to first repent and second to seek reconciliation. With that person, though, not with a parade. Not with a televised press release like apologetic celebrities. True reconciliation demands 1) repentance of the offender, 2) forgiveness from the one sinned against. The reconciliation the author blogged about is false, because the people who hurt these gays and lesbians would hurt them again at the first opportunity. It would be appropriate to say or hold signs saying "I love you". To say "Jesus loves you". To say "God is a perfect father, and wants a relationship with you." But not "I'm sorry."

Sexual identity is a lightning rod issue, because people attach so much of their identity to it while at the same time it is also (relative to the sins of pride, cowardice, greed, wrath etc, which also tend to attach to one's identity ("I'm not argumentative, I'm Italian!")) outwardly visible. I had attached to my identity the lack of desire to have children. I believed that it was just "who I was". Reading scripture and praying, though, I was unable to escape the conclusion that "who I was" was wrong. If we don't give God the opportunity to rewrite what we consider to be the fundamental elements of ourselves, we close ourselves off from full relationship with Him. God has changed my heart, and I want to be a father now. "Who I am" has changed. To return to the specific point, a Christian has a duty to speak the truth, and an equal duty to love and not judge non-Christians. Error may be found on either side of that thin line. It' supposed to be hard.
"For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." Mat 7:14

Thank you for sending this to me. How are you?
-J

7/8/10

"But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. For some men, straying from these things, have turned aside to fruitless discussion, wanting to be teachers of the Law, even though they do not understand either what they are saying or the matters about which they make confident assertions." [1Tim 1:5-7]

Paul immediately defines what success looks like. When he is teaching he cares about three things in his audience: love, righteousness, and faith. This can be used to differentiate good teachers of God's word from bad ones. In the previous verse he spoke of "certain men," and he paints very clearly a line between what should and should not be listened to.
Hallmarks of what should be disregarded or rebuked in the teaching and discussion of God's word (and faiths / sects which have gone astray by way of these errors)
Strange doctrines (Christian Science, LDS, Jehovah's Witnesses, Catholicism)
Myths (Catholicism, Christian Identity / White Power)
Genealogies (Judaism)
Speculation (Episcopalianism, new-age spirituality)
Fruitless discussion (Agnosticism, Unitarianism)

Everyone likes to feel good about themselves. There's a self-important belief that since God cannot be known, everyone's opinion is therefore equal. That is like saying "since we cannot visit other stars, my opinions about them are just as valid as an astronomer's." The astronomer spends her life studying the star, making observations and comparing them to the observations of others, taking notes, searching for new information and reading scientific journals. Her conclusions are not to be accepted on the same level as those of a person who watches a lot of Star Trek.
If we do not approach God's word with a reverent humility, however, we are likely to fall into the same trap. How often do we think that our opinion of the sermon is just as important as that of the pastor who preached it? Both information about God and a relationship with God are freely available to all, but to take advantage of this grace demands a regular and focussed effort. We wants the results without the investment, like a child who covets the skill of a guitar player but is uninterested in the work it would take to achieve it. If this sin is not addressed in our heart, it is much more likely that we will give others a pass who also have it; we cannot condemn them without condemning ourselves, so we silently decide that neither of us is sinning.

- J

Wednesday!

The tough part of writing on weekdays right now is the irregularity of my schedule. I can come in to work at any time, so anything I do at home in the morning must be weighed against the usefulness of clocking hours. And it's tough to remember to write during my breaks since 1) they are also somewhat random and 2) the World Cup has been on in the mornings and 3) the sun has been shining in the afternoons, which means the guys are always calling me to come out and play 'horse'. Or 'pig'. Or 'C-o-m-c'.
Personal reliability is important, though, so I'll keep trying.

- J

Q & A

God is gracious. I believe I have mentioned that before. But it's still true. I listened to the next sermon in Genesis today, the one I've been sitting on for the past two days, and in it Pastor Mark talked about Judah's sons. One of them is killed by God for wanting sex but no children. Genesis 38. Maybe he doesn't want to share his inheritance. Maybe he doesn't want responsibility. Whatever it was, it was evil enough and God took it seriously enough that there was some smiting. Pastor Mark stated his plain belief that if someone does not want to be a parent, they should not both get married and also call themself a Christian.
Maybe you cannot have your own children for physical reasons; maybe it's not wise to start procreating at a certain season of the marriage. But everyone is capable of being some manner of parent. And if you say "well, that's not for me," because you are scared or lazy, that's a sin. That's the direction that my meditation was taking me on my own. Birth control technology has altered the conversation, as well as the pace of life events, but in the end the answer is pretty simple. I am grateful, both for the answer and its clarity. I hate stuff that I can weasel out of.

- J

6/30/10

Wrestling with a lot of stuff spiritually this morning. I don't feel like a good leader. I don't feel like I'd want my daughter to marry someone like me.
I've always struggled with a pretty negative self-image. God has helped me a lot, but there was never a lightswitch-change.

Once upon a time, marriage meant children. If you got married, you pretty much had two options: don't have sex, or be fruitful and multiply. Both variations have been explored over the history of the human being. Reliable contraceptives have only been widely available for a short slice of history, but they are completely taken for granted now. "Marriage" no longer inherently carries the assumption of children; couples can choose for themselves. Pastor Mark preached in Song of Solomon that a married couple should be intimately together about once a day. While it's easy for me to look at that figure and nod contemplatively, when that book of the bible was written I don't think that average would be possible. She'd be in some stage of pregnancy pretty much all of the time.
"for a healthy, fertile couple, the 'per month' success rate is around 15-20%, so it is not at all uncommon for it to take some months to conceive. Overall, around 70% of couples will have conceived by 6 months, 85% by 12 months and 95% will be pregnant after 2 years of trying."
I don't have a thesis or a moral to my musings. It's just some raw truth rolling around in my head. The pattern of human life on the earth has swung wildly in the last hundred and fifty years. 3% of recorded time, as chronicled in scripture.

- J

6/29/10

I've been having tremendous difficulty concentrating this week, just feeling tired all the time. I catch myself looking at the clock mere hours into my day. Easily distracted, antsy...
Micah was talking about how he would rather be stabbed in the eye than watch Twilight. I feel somewhat differently. Sure, it's a girl-focused fantasy, and it isn't breaking new ground with plotline or dialogue. And the hysteria (in a uniquely applicable use of the word) surrounding the franchise is tiresome. But I would rather watch a Twilight movie than any romantic comedy made in the last twenty years. It's all a question of input processing. To some, everything Twilight offers gets a reaction like petting a cat the wrong way. I don't have that reaction though, because the underlying story is one I've heard before and it doesn't bother me. Hollywood rom/coms do not share this virtue. They are based on either old stories I don't like, or - more commonly - new stories that I dislike even more. If the film is constructed on a foundation that I can't get behind, it's nearly impossible for me draw any pleasure from watching it.

- J

6/28/10

A good day. I'm building shelves. I always like working with my hands, but I never really learned how to do anything fancy. I lost my dad and graddad before I had the smarts to pick up their carpentry knowledge. Assembling shelves and Ikea furniture is perfect because it gives me the satisfaction of manual construction, but I don't actually have to know anything.
Feeling tired, but good. Can't think of much to write about.
Taylor has asked that our Monday mornings start including more extended times of prayer. Today we prayed for a quarter hour and it felt really good; better than I would expect if I had just considered it in an abstract way. I like the feeling of being able to pray for a lot of things - like if I don't pray for very long, there's a lot of stuff that'll pop into my head during the day that will make me go "aw man, I needed to pray for that too." It's hard to pray for a long time all by myself though, so having company over covers me in a helpful way. If it's just me, it's hard to justify the time; if we're all praying then hey - that's what we're doing right now.
I want to pray with you and over you more.

- J

6/25/10

"Even as I begged you to remain at Ephesus, when I was going to Macedonia, that you might charge some that they teach no other doctrine, nor to give heed to fables and endless genealogies (which provide doubts rather than the nurture of God in faith)." [1Tim 1:3-4]

Time flies. I can't believe that June is almost over. I also am incredulous that it took Seattle so long to check it's email re: Summer. The warehouse is pretty hot, and the fans don't do a lot except move the mugginess from one corner to another. We cracked the bay doors yesterday, which was just refreshing enough to make us all realize how stuffy its been. Still, no complaints. I like my job, and I enjoy all the people there. I appreciate how, on a day like today where I have some things to do in the morning, there's nothing wrong with rolling in to the office at ten A.M. There's a lot of intangibles in play.
Paul cuts right to the point in his letter to Timothy. I like that about him too. Hi Timothy. God is still phenomenal, so please remember that. Anyway, to business: I told you the truth, and I told you all of it. I did the same at Ephesus; please remind them gently. Then, if you need to, do it with less gent. Variant doctrines, trying to incorporate other belief systems, and nitpicking all lead to shakiness of faith. The goal of our brotherhood in Christ is growth in faith, which is kinda the opposite of that.
You go, Paul. Tell 'em.

- J

Ninety-nine days 'til I'm married to you, ninety-nine days 'til we're wed,
Wait one day, we're still okay, ninety-eight days 'til I'm married to you...

Get up and go

It's nice to know that no matter how tired I feel, however drained or lethargic, I can always summon more energy if it is for the purpose of hating M. Night Shyamalan's "Lady in the Water". It's not the absolute worst movie I've ever seen, but it is without doubt the most punishingly dumb. That level of stupidity bypasses depressing and wraps back around all the way into motivating.

- J

6/23/10

"Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus according to the commandment of God our Saviour, and Christ Jesus our hope; unto Timothy, my true child in faith: Grace, mercy, peace, from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. " [1Tim 1:1-2]

Timothy is a great epistle because it shows a relationship in progress. An older man, who is not perfect but is farther along the process of sanctification, instructing a younger man who is rising up in leadership and faith. All the letters of Paul are full of good instruction, but I feel like Timothy is the easiest to project myself into. Some of the ideas challenge me; many of them convict me.
Paul is confident about his identity. He knows exactly who he is. A lot of guys will talk about trying to "find themselves" or "figure themselves out"... Straight off, it is clear that this language is not the position of a mature man, but an admission of immaturity. Paul is an apostle, of Christ, as commanded by God and Jesus. Very direct, very certain. No vagueness or deflection.
Paul's first and chief wishes for the younger man he loves are grace, mercy, and peace. All three blessings are not only provided by, but promised by God. As such, it's not just an idle pleasantry, but a reminder of the covenant of the believer. This is a good way to start a letter.

- J

Snippits from radio ads

"One of the most important decisions a man can make is selecting the right divorce attorney."

"It's all about you."

Still reading First Timothy. The instructions for women are very controversial, but the councel given to men is just as foreign. The difference is that women are told to modify their behavior in a way that is externally obvious. It's clear whether a lady is dressing in a demure way or not. I think people fight harder over these things, because it's easier to call them on it; if you agree that you should be honorable and just and reasonable, you can always argue that it's true while in your heart not changing. If you agree that you should not teach a man, and should receive instruction with submissiveness, it's a lot harder to put on the same facade.
Things that are hidden to everyone but yourself and God are the easiest to not mature in. In this way, although Paul's advice to women makes a lot of people very angry, his teaching to men is probably more prone to general disregard and such dismissiveness probably leads to more sin.

- J

Good morning, Monday.

I like Mondays. They always feel like a fresh start. Today is a good day.
I like being engaged to you. It's so great I'm jealous of myself.
I like writing my thoughts down. I like being able to come back later and read them; it's important to sort of toss bread crumbs behind myself. Not so I can retrace my steps, but if I get lost I can sort of start again and follow them to where I left off. I'm so terribly short of mind... if I don't etch these markings into the cave wall, by tomorrow I won't remember what I discovered.

- J

6/18/10

I have not been blogging. I feel kinda lousy about this too.
I have searched every serchable place, multiple times, and I cannot find the hematite ring. It must have slipped off my finger this morning. I put it on after my shower, and when I finished helping the guys move a stack of two-by-fours at nine o'clock it was gone. I'm pretty sure I didn't have it when I stopped by Sugee's but my memory is terrible with this kind of thing. I'm glad it was just a $4 ring, but I feel really bad about it. I loved that ring, and I took it from you, who also loved that ring. I loved it because it was something of yours that I had with me all the time. I had the idea to put it on a necklace, because I knew it was loose on my finger, but I didn't follow through. I am very frustrated with myself.

- J

6/14/10

- J

N+1

Salt-N-Pepa > Guns 'n Roses > Kid'n'Play > Hot N Cold > N'Sync

- J

Fight plaque

Woke a little after five. My brain decided this was an excellent idea and committed to it. The rest of me is generally questioning my brain's wisdom and leadership. Anyway, bacon is on the griddle which should help.
I heard an interview on the radio about the following study: Early life linguistic ability, late life cognitive function, and neuropathology: findings from the Nun Study. Their conclusions were that if you are able to knit together a number of separate ideas into one narrative within your sentences, you are substantially less likely to suffer dementia and Alzheimer's disease when you're old. Whether this is an evidential property or a causative one I don't know. As someone who is profoundly terrified of losing his cognitive function as he ages, however, it seemed worth consideration.
As I write I hear my sentence unfolding within my mind, as if it were being dictated to me by myself. Generally I don't know the ending of each individual line until it is reached on the page. I'm not sure what the experience of others is, but neither am I convinced that it matters too much. The important take-away is that I want to decrease my use of generalisms like "thing". Such undefined vagueries are the mark of a lazy mind, and I want all of myself to be working hard

From Radiolab:
"Researchers would visit once a year to administer memory tests, and it was during one of these visits that Snowdon made a fortuitous discovery: He was told of a collection of biographies that the sisters were required to write upon entering the order, in many cases more than 50 years before the study started. "It was a major, major find," says Serguei Pakhomov, a current researcher with the study.
Snowdon and his team evaluated the essays based on grammatical complexity and idea density – the average number of discrete ideas contained in every 10 written words.

Here's an example of a sentence packed with ideas, from the one of the sister's diaries:

"It was about a half hour before midnight between February 28 and 29 of the leap year 1912 when I began to live, and to die, as the third child of my mother, whose maiden name is Hilda Hoffman, and my father, Otto Schmidt..."

And here's an example of less idea-rich sentence:

"I was born in Eau Claire, Wisconsin on May 24, 1913, and was baptized in St. James Church..."

Snowdon discovered that sisters who scored poorly on these two measures — like the second example — were much more likely to develop dementia. Sisters within the lower third of the sample with respect to idea density, for example, were 60 times more likely to develop Alzheimer's than a sister in the upper third. In fact, using the essays, the researchers could predict with 92 percent accuracy whether the brain of a particular sister, investigated after their death, would contain the plaques and lesions in the brain that are associated with Alzheimer's Disease."

The mind at rest tends to stay at rest, I suppose. This sort of basic intuition is probably why I like to play word games and make improvised sentences. Scrabble and challenge-speed-scrabble and 1000 Blank White Cards all sharpen this knife that I use to carve the world into consumable portions. If that blade ever dulls, the process will cease; in a very real way it will prevent my consumption of consciousness.

- J

6/8/10

Yesterday I wrote you a grumpy email about how I was feeling down. Then I didn't send it, which is a decision I am still behind. I need to take my grumpiness to God, because He knows when to comfort me and when to shake me up and say 'get over yourself'.
Now it is breaktime, and I had the good idea to start blogging to you in the mornings here at work. I just had a slice of swiss cheese on toast, and it's a nice morning. I'm listening to Pastor Mark preach through Genesis in my earbuds, and it's good.
I need to go back to work now, but I'm thinking of you. And werewolves.

- J

bookmark

1Th 5:19

6/2/10

"You know, Erin actually averages 5.6 bounces to the ounce, which is well above average."

- J

5/28/10

I've been pretty deeply contemplative the last two days. I've also forgotten to take my multivitamin the last two days. Correlation does not demand causation, but it's interesting to note.
It was good to play host tonight, but I hate coming home to a messy house. It's my own fault, really. It's no one else's job to clean my kitchen, anyway. But I have got to find the oomph to start doing this stuff in the morning. Previous week of evenings:

Saturday: Melting Pot & Audio setup, home at 10:30
Sunday: Dinner with the Jimmersons, home at 10:30
Monday: anime night, home at 9:45
Tuesday: Photo shoot, home at 10:00
Wednesday: CG, Home early at 8:00, went to bed at 9:00
Thursday: Shawna's birthday, home at 10:00
Friday: Movie night, home at 10:45

This week hasn't been "bad". On the contrary, every individual thing has been good, but this is not sustainable. A smart Jeremy would nap tomorrow afternoon, but that's never as good as nighttime sleep. Hm.

- J

stupid brain

ME: Time to be useful!
MY BRAIN: don' wanna.
ME: But that's what time it is.
MY BRAIN: no. i wanna do this useless thing instead.
ME: I am going to stand here doing nothing until you step in line.
MY BRAIN: no! no! waaaaaa!
ME: Why don't you want to do useful things?
MY BRAIN: because as soon as i do, i'll feel bad for the other useless things i've spent the entire rest of this morning doing. but as long as i keep doing more useless things, i can ignore it. :D
ME: ...

- J

Might not get a chance to blog later

I love you, I love you.

- J

go go speed blogger

"They have tenderizers in them, so they can make advanced reputations about curiosity to a LAN."
-Pastor Mark, in my half-awake daydream this morning, unintentionally informing me that it's time to get up.

- J

Think think

That is the sound of me thinking. Much on my mind... or rather, not much, but my mind is quite occupied with it. Thinking about Check Out My Cards, and about Google. I want to make the right decision, and I don't want to be o'er hasty. I've prayed some, and I need to pray more. It's not about money (although it is, sorta)... this is about walking in the way that has been prepared for me. I feel like this is a big test. I know how things look on the surface, but I'm being called to look deeper.

- J

5/20/10

I watched a homeless person almost get hit by a car on my way home last night. He decided to cross the street in the middle of traffic, and wasn't even in any hurry. Just sort of shuffling along. The guy in the lane to my left stopped for him, and I did too a little further back. A red sports car behind the driver to my left couldn't see him, though, and decided we had stopped because we were stupid. I saw what was happening, but couldn't do anything about it... he swerved in front of me without signalling and accelerated. He missed this homeless guy by inches, literally inches. If the guy had hurried up at all while crossing the street he would have been killed. It shook me up. The guy was totally oblivious, though. Just kept walking, didn't flinch or look up...

- J

5/19/10

Morning again. This always seems to happen.
The smell of caulk is making me kinda headachy, but I'm still glad for my new windows. I don't have much to write, but I'll see you tonight. ...There are no other chicks I'll be picking up at six! ... um... what rhymes with "Regional"?
Polyhedronal...
Norwegianal...

- J

Today:

* Activated Amazon.com Rewards Card from Chase
* Reserved wedding venues
* Ran a load of dishes
* Set an appointment for an interview tomorrow with the owner of Checkoutmycards
* Recieved a start-date at Google: June 1st. 2:45pm-11:15pm. =/
* Got two of three windows replaced

These new windows have been sitting sort-of-under-cover behind the tree out back for over a month now easily. They are dirty, and not just outside; on the insides where it is hard to clean. Nicing them up will be a project.

- J

Good morning everything

I am really rather sore. In the back, not the brain. I got out of bed ten minutes before my alarm went off, and decided the Lord had graciously provided me some time for prayer. It was really good... I feel like I've been piggybacking off of the prayer of others for a couple weeks now. I'll give God a "whats up" nod, but I haven't been pursuing the relationship like I should. It was good. Good to make supplication on behalf of others... to have enough time that things could float to the surface of my memory, like "oh yeah, I should pray for that too".
I am hungry. Breakfast is sounding pretty good. I'm pretty sure God always provides me with time for prayer with Him. I just use it to check my email instead. When I get to heaven, though, I don't think I'll be bragging about how much my email was checked. It's so checked though! No, not so much. Priorities, J. Be in this life for the long-term.

- J

Diary of a selfish kid

I was feeling a little weird today driving home from anime night. Weird like just a weird feeling about us. I thought about it for a while and realized it was stemming from my own brain, and it being petty. I was so happy to see you today. I hope that came across well. The old part of me, like a vestigial organ, seems to serve no purpose except to become infected. 'Waah' says my old brain, 'I wanted red knives.' 'She shouldn't have said she told my mom not to show me the dress, she should have read my mind and known I would know that bit of etiquette.'
Be quiet, old brain. I do not need you. Today my fiancée came over and held me and kissed me and napped with me on the couch, and I should have given anime night a "whatever" and taken a walk with her because the weather was nice and she is always special.

I apologize to you on behalf of my old brain, and the petulant, self-centered ideas it tries to hand me. I called you, but you didn't answer... I hope it is because you have gone to bed, because that is just the sort of smart thing you would do. i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)

- J

5/15/10

Lapronomics: the position that because smaller people take up less material resources and physical space, humans must begin to reduce their average size by selecting shorter partners.

- J

p.s.

I am totally excited for you to go gown shopping tonight as well.
We're getting married! To each other!

It's pretty awesome.

- J

Yeah, write.

What can I say? What is left to say? What things, upon saying them here in this format, would not be a repetition of previous said things? That is, things said that were already said by me; previously, in other manners of communication. I can quote other people all day long.

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something."

Oh snap, I think I just got served by Plato.
Actually, at one of my deliveries (The Little School) (A strong contender for: Places I Would Consider Strongly Sending My Own Child Or Children To) (Along with Hogwarts) the administrator has a pretty piece of calligraphy up on her wall, quoting Plato. I can't find any reference to it online, which makes me wonder, but it goes like this: "Let art be the foundation of education, for it can operate during the sleep of reason. And when reason does come, art will have prepared a way for her." I like it. Partly because it's a prettier way of saying what I already feel. I don't know if it can really be exercised to the conclusion of its demand, but the value of art in early childhood is rarely in danger of being overemphasized.
Art programs tend to be the first on the chopping block, because you can't grade art. You can't test for it or quantify it. People even have a hard time defining it... this strange need we have to create the potent from impotent components. I mean, that car there goes thirty miles on a gallon of gas, definitively, but... is it pretty? What government oversight panel can determine that a school's art scores are dipping dangerously low?
There is rarely any conviction associated with that which we cannot define.

- J

hiss hiss

I have continually thought to post in this blog over the past two days, but at precisely un-useful times. It's mountingly frustrating, because this whole project is a love letter to you, and it's one I'm not done writing yet.

Today: check.

I was thinking about personal problems. I feel like in our society, there has been an odd inversion of the relationship of maintenance to character. I, specifically, have to deal with a number of effects related to being a human person. Sometimes I get this gnawing sensation in my stomach when I haven't put food in it for a while. And it's hard to focus if I haven't slept in the last day or so. I know, it's really embarrassing. I mean, why would I even admit to such humiliating conditions? The preceding is, of course, farce. Culture has simply dubbed some aspects of personal maintenance "acceptable", and others as "un". Psychotherapy was trendy in the 80's and 90's, but now it means you're a crackpot. Me, I've got dandruff to deal with. It's astounding how endemic it is, this idea that a dry scalp actually reflects a devaluation of my soul. I say it because I find myself feeling it too. So if a guy is a sleaze and can't hold a job, but has fabulous hair and smells like a warm tropical breeze, he's okay? I slink through the shampoo aisle, hoping no one will notice me reaching for something "medicated". If only I could buy zinc on the black market. Where have we gone wrong here?
I bought some Men's Vitamins from TJ's today, in the belief that they will make me more manly. I certainly need them; I've got to compensate for these glaring flaws somehow. Hopefully no one will find out that my body can't synthesize essential nutrients on it's own. What would they think?
Shameful.

- J

etchings

My inconsistency has become pattern. I wish it didn't seem so inevitable.
Michael Reid texted me at 9:30 tonight and told me to come over to eat the food he and Micah were making. It was good. Nice to get some guy-time in tonight... pouring over venues turns my brain to strudel. I will be glad when something has been finalized.
Nothing really to say. Need to go to bed two hours ago.

- J

bridge over troubled water

It's a good day. I'm trying harder these days to separate out events from condition... that is to say, things I consider to be "good" occurring are not what should define "a good day", but it's a good day because Jesus is alive and I've been given work to do by God. Through obedience, faith. Through faith, wisdom. But good things are happening too.
I've been thinking about your parents... it is the worldly mind which says "it was difficult for me, it should therefore be difficult for others." The Christian thinks, "I want those who come after me to have an easier time than I did." That is selflessness; giving up one's position of preeminence in the mind. Believing that your experiences should be a tool to help others do better than you, go further than you did, find greater success. The hand is open, and the soul is therefore free.
We need to pray for your parents, and love them as well as they allow, and show Christ to them in this process. I feel a great swell of encouragement from God in this. He wishes to use our marriage for His glory even more than we do. We don't "make" it happen. We listen, and allow Him to do it Himself. We get ourselves out of the way. Again, it's selflessness. This is the right springboard for a life together.

- J

Melody of certain damaged lemons

I wish I had the time to lie back and listen to every song by Blonde Redhead a hundred times. It feels like it would open some mystical doorway in the mind, like maybe I could talk to dead people or something, or guess the answers to tomorrow's crossword puzzles. I don't know... something amazing.
I went home from work a little early today because I wasn't feeling well, and if I could go home from home I'd do that too. I'll feel alright tomorrow, but my stomach is protesting something it feels pretty strongly about. A little lightheaded.
I need to call Randstad and find out what's up. I talked with Ms. Quackenbush on the phone this morning, so hopefully my windows will be swapped out soon. Annoyed that the guy from the baseball card site hasn't gotten in touch yet.
Srsly you guys.
You guys.
Srsly.

- J

Monday! MONDAY.

Okay, so this is all good. Being engaged to you is pretty sweet and by sweet I mean rad. New job thinkings have got me on my heels a bit, but not in a bad way. I've been driving for Sugee's for two and a half years. It'll be weird to work somewhere else. And different hours. And not get free sandwiches. Weird but good.
I've emailed Samson about premarital, and it will be good if you can ask me how that's coming along from time to time. I've also emailed UrbanLight (which is close to both Ballard and Lake City), and I had a decent breakfast. But I haven't shaved yet!
!!
Okay, I gotta go. Whoooosh! (a go-ing sound)
Love you.

-J

The process

In order:

1) Obedience

2) Faith

3) Wisdom

4) Direction

5) Love

6) Marriage

7) Jeremy with the baby carriage

- J

4/27/10

Saturday, April 24th: Engaged to you. =)

- J

4/23/10

I intended to write yesterday, but my too-busyness was actually legitimate. In the morning I did morningy things, then went to work. After work I played with the kids at Jubilee until almost 4:30, then I came back home and did job stuff, essay stuff, and talked to God until it was time for C.G. which ran to eleven again. I can't feel too bad; all that stuff is totally more important than keeping up with some arbitrary hobby consistency.
My theological essays for Deacon training are proving harder than I had expected. By Sunday, I need to have typed a paragraph to a page for each of the following: a) The Gospel b) God the Father c) The Holy Spirit d) Jesus Christ e) Relationship of the Trinity f) Creation. I've realized that beyond a few textbook sentences and an appeal to some scripture I remember, I can't actually define any of these as well as I feel I should be able to after five years.

- J

Love Letters from the Skeleton Kingdom of the Moon - Part 3

The wind pushed the rain at a steady angle, washing all the East-facing walls in the city. Cable had turned his collar up, and his black fedora kept him as comfortable as someone out in the weather could argue himself to be. The envelope, secured in his trenchcoat's breast pocket, was warm against his heart in a way that it was tempting to find pleasant. Cable's mind was disciplined, though, and he kept himself mentally wary. His attention was constantly divided between his investigation and his sole piece of evidence. It's soft resistance to his movement, its constant heat, his mind evaluated them endlessly for any change. Letters from the dead could not be trusted.
First Cable had talked to all the zombies in the city, but they were no help as usual. He had then moved on to his contacts at the Post Office's secret black market, but again his leads had come up dry. Now he walked through the emotionless streets, going over his scant information and only breaking mental pace to glance at the few pedestrians who passed him on their way to somewhere indoors.
The sound of a guitar hummed across the top of Cable's consciousness. The jangly pluck and strum of strings was distant, but distinct. In the rain it was impossible to tell the direction. The detective ducked under an awning and listened to the unexpected music. It was pleasant, in a strange sort of way. The notes were blurred, but the cadence had an offbeat charm. Cable pulled out a damp, folded magazine from his pocket and held it up in one hand like a waiter's tray.
Cable had once heard of the practice of "Bibliomancy", in which parties interested in the day's events would turn to a random page in the bible for insight. Cable did not believe in the bible, but he did believe in the stars. Therefore, everywhere he went he carried an issue of Entertainment Weekly, and he consulted it on occasions where he required guidance. A gust of wind blew open the tabloid to roughly the center. Cable took the magazine in both hands properly, and looked at the article. It was a music interview.
"How do you feel about where you are in your career," the author's print asked in bold font, "and how things are going? I know you’re out playing bars and small clubs, and it’s a return to where you started. Where are you hoping that leads?"
The country singer being questioned was circumspect. "It’s kinda just coming back around. Making a run through and hopefully coming back out the other side again." Cable nodded, knowingly. Squaring his jaw, he refolded the Weekly and returned it to his pocket. Turning on his heel, he headed back towards the Russle Hotel that disaffectionately housed his office.
The music grew slowly but steadily louder as Cable purposefully strode. The strange, looping rhythm was eerie, halfway predictable but always twisting out from under expectations. The rain beat an endless staccato on the brim of Cable's hat, confusing the melody in the ear.
Rounding the final city block, Cable could see a sitting figure halfway down the street. In the concrete corner next to the stairs which led up to the wood and glass double doors of the hotel there was a man playing his guitar in the rain.

- J

Bloggity bloggity

Tues day is tues. I meant to record some Huge Book, but things have continued to happen. Tonight perhaps? Still hopeful. I got in touch with Jake Chambers The Landlord, and he's going to give the contractors the go-ahead to replace the sills with wood. That means I'll get new windows! Possibly as soon as not very long from now! I'm excited.
Still need to:
- Do everything
- Fold laundry
My head feels so refreshed and lively now that it's not being held down by all that hair. Oh yeah, that reminds me.
- Clean up hair

- J

4/19/10

My ex-roommate Kai just called me up. Apparently he has the Guatemalan Death Plague, and he wanted to ask me about when we were going to play Megaman 10 together. This is actually pretty standard of the sort of phone call I get from him. I told him we'd schedule it soon.
He's someone I feel a little protective of, just because of his misadjusted social skills. That is, he's perfectly capable of being pleasant, but has no internal function making him able to discern between the times that he is and the times he is not. In addition, his way of letting you know that he is actively engaged and interested in a conversation with you is to never shut up. For this reason, even though his computer skills are pretty high-level, he's had a hard time holding down a job.
He's got a weird ability with cats... even cats that hate everybody love him. He exhibits disdain for the general populace, but it's impossible to tell if he really wants to be liked inside. I suspect so, but there's enough else about him that's completely unpredictable that I wouldn't put money down. His mom found the old house listing on CL, and drove him up to take a look since he didn't own a car at the time. She checked out the house while he sat down on the couch and played Darkstalkers with Nate and me. It's an analogy of his approach to life. Focus on the stuff he finds interesting, to the exclusion of awareness of other concerns. So yeah... I want to be a good influence on him. I'm glad he called.

- J

Because I will not remember later

It are fact. I know, because of my learnings.

Shoot, now I'm out of things to say. Um...
Some construction guys set up a scaffold and climbed up it this morning to peer into my window as I was leaving for work. They had a new window with them and everything. I was so excited. When I came back home, however, my old window was still there. What's the deal? My curtain is down, my bed is pushed away from the wall... does it need to be further? Why this continued neglect? I managed to slide the bed another twelve inches or so, but that's really going to be about as far from the wall at it'll get. They haven't left me a note or anything, so I'm just left to wonder. And fret.
Auto-replies from job applications are understandable, but frustrating. RealNetworks' form-cruncher spat me out today as unqualified for their STE internship. While it's an arguable case, I felt like I had many valid counterpoints as to why my experience and other factors made me a good choice. Also I knew someone who worked there, so they should totally hire me. Alas, algorithms are capable of neither understanding nor insight. There's a hojillion dudes who filled out the boxes for the job, so I do see the necessity of automating the first step. It reminds me of Gattaca, though. If the gatekeepers are computers, some really great - and even more importantly, diverse - people will be automatically screened. There is no code-hook that can identify the human spirit.
Or maybe there is, and it didn't detect it in my cover letter. I hadn't thought of that until just now.

- J

Almost, but not quite

I forgot, like six times to write a blog post today.
BUT I REMEMBERED SEVEN TIMES.

It was a cool evening. I got coffee with Jake Wade, who is in every way, "legit". An eerie amount, actually. Almost... overly... legit. At that level of legit-ness, I can see it becoming very difficult indeed to cease such a state. I'm jus' sayin.
I'd like to bring dinner to his and his wife's home.
At C.G. it was no-girls-allowed, which was pretty sweet. We went to the park and played a fun nordic stick-throwing game. It was nine o'clock by the time we got back; we talked really openly until after ten, then prayed all the way to eleven.
That's right. These men go to eleven.

Now it is bed time. Here I go snzz.

- J