Tired blogger is tired

Big thoughts today, now somewhat deflated by sleepiness.
I connected the anxiety I'm feeling now with the guilt that I was battling last month.  Both are just different expressions of the same basic lie - that I am not free.  With that realization, the struggle has become easier.  This is like a stronghold within me, resisting God.  A verse from last week now makes more sense.
"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses." [2Cor 10]
Jesus tell me to not be anxious.  And why do I want to be anxious?  Because I don't really do anything that I don't want to do.  So I must want it.  I am anxious because... I cannot trust God for my provision.  Therefore God is nothing to rely on.  Therefore I can be the central character in my story.  Thats really it.  There's a part of me that keeps trying to compose a narrative for my life in which I am the lead.  Via self-pity (guilt, denying Christ's preeminence and work on the cross), via self-sufficiency (anxiety, denying God's sovereignty).
Tell it to me, Jesus.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." [Mat 6:25-34]

The bold part is the verse that came to me.  God knows I need these things.  There is a war going on inside me right now between my flesh and spirit.

- J