A lovely day. I love sunshine so much. As if instead of blood I had chlorophyll. I'm listening to John Piper preach Sunday's sermon right now. I can see why people like him so much.
Over the last few days, my mind has brought out of it's collection a series of memories from long ago... things I've done which are regrettable, failures... Things from when I was very young, from High School... I feel like I'm being accused by a lawyer. Like I am trying to prove to myself that I am a shameful, terrible person. My whole life I've been faced with these memories, and the inevitable conclusion of the framework that they construct. It is a mental process that has become familiar.
Scripture came to mind, this week, this time. I didn't even remember it clearly, where it was or the exact words, I just remembered what the point was: that because I am in Christ, I cannot be condemned. I can't. It's just a lie that I can be convinced of. So if my salvation can't be taken away, the enemy can at least take my joy if he can fool me. But the truth of God can set me free, because that's what truth does. It frees me. Those things, someone did them. And Christ died for that person, and paid for the sin already, and freed me to live. Not just without the penalty of sin, but without condemnation. Without shame. As each memory has been paraded before me this week I have momentarily recoiled in disgust with myself, and then stopped and meditated on this faintly remembered patch of scripture.
I didn't know where it was or what the exact words were, but the truth was enough, and I was okay. I'm okay. I don't need to feel that way.
John Piper just quoted the very verse at the beginning of this week's sermon.
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." [Romans 8:1]
- J
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