This one goes out to all my Erins.

Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence. [Psalm 42:5]

I don't know why this one has been so hard for me to let go of... I've been annoyed before.  I've obviously been getting frustrated in the back of my mind for a while now, and it just boiled over.  I was well and truly mad last night, mixed with self-justified and depressed.  It was not a good place.  Being still sick didn't help; at a certain point I just want to grab my body by the lapels and be like, "Really?  Really?".  And I was aggravated that I was so focused on my own stuff that I couldn't be more supportive of you like I wanted to be.  And I did want to be.  My brain just has not let this thing go, like Gus coming back to roll on a spot on the lawn in the rain.  And for what?  To bring in a lot of wetness and crud and then sit on your bed.  
Not the model I wish to follow.

I read the bible some last night, which was a good idea, and I prayed which was also a good idea.  This morning things seemed more approachable.  I have sort of stepped back from where I thought I was to take a reading on my actual position.  You can tune the strings to each other, but that's not the same thing as "in tune".
Where I know what I need, it it my responsibility to pursue.  I got confused yesterday as to what my job description was.  This morning I remembered.

My job is to bring glory to Jesus.  Beyond that, my job is to do or be whatever they say.  It's comforting to break it down like that.  As long as I'm working hard, I'm accomplishing my prime objective.  And if I am truly not being dealt with fairly - God knows, and not I - I am accomplishing my first objective even more when I still work hard.

This post was supposed to be about you and how much I like you.  It's really quite a lot.  I had to work through this thing and I wanted to share it with you.  Because it's "we".  Because I love that it's "we".
And I love the note you sent me on Facebook on Sunday night telling me you missed me.  And I love that you said Happy Weekiversary because I was thinking about saying it to you.  And I am really looking forward to you tonight.  EVEN IF: you are tired, or had a rough day, or aren't feeling well, or have caught some weird disease where you can no longer pronounce the letter K, or even all of those things.  Because those aren't you.  They're just variables in an equation that will always end with 'I am happy to see you'.
Everything will be okay.
Especially everything.

-J