Jumpdrive

A lot on my mind today. I told it all to my cellphone so I wouldn't have to carry it in my head.
"Thinking about: superfluous trivia." Okay, this one came up last night. I've felt my brain so much cleaner without my computer in my home, and I finally figured out why. I've got this appetite for knowledge. The problem is, I don't tend to differentiate between knowledge and information. They are not the same. They are not the same! Looking up pictures of orchid roots or trying to find what movie I'm half-remembering, these things are not of any merit. They do not increase me. I've had this analogy in my head the last few days of my world as a circle. I see lines extending from myself, where I sit in the center, and I want to reach out for these areas that draw me. There is a circumference, however, which limits me. And in order to reach further - to love better, to pray more earnestly, to enjoy my relationship with God and others more fully - I cannot extend those lines until I first increase the size of the circle; increase myself. Trivia is of no lasting benefit. I am not helped. Just temporarily satisfied. This fast has helped me to see with unclouded eyes. Now I must train myself to be discerning.
"Thinking about: suppressing the gospel." [For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, "The righteous shall live by faith." For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth.] Rom 1:16-18
[So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.] Mat 10:32-33
If we do not confess Jesus, we are suppressing the truth. Suppressing the gospel. I am ashamed of my limited understanding of the gospel, and of my too-small faith. But the gospel I am not ashamed of.
"Thinking about: my tendency to antagonize in the face of hostility." This probably is larger than a sidenote in a blog post.
Okay, it started here:
Men and Marriage
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/trial/marriage-and-men
which should be watched after:
Women and Marriage
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/trial/marriage-and-women
I watched both of these yesterday, and I recommend them. They are super-interesting. Knowledge. These increase. And like all worthwhile growth, they are not entirely comfortable. I was raised by a single mom in a very liberal home, which meant "1) men and women are the same, and 2) avoid conflict at all costs". And I'm not into being yelled at either. So the "Men" sermon was a tough one to listen to. NOTES ABOUT MEN: In the "Men" video, Pastor Mark describes eight caricatures of horrible men, four under the banner of "Chauvinism" and four under "Cowardice". Every man gravitates towards at least one of these. Not IS one, but has at least one that they are most in danger of becoming, or have overcome being. Me, I am like numbers 1 and 4 on the cowardice side. I think knowing is an excellent first step.
Anyways, it was and is a great sermon; the eight ways to honor your wife are ones to commit to memory. Mark also yells a lot, and I noticed for not the first time that my gut instinct to aggravation is to needle back. If someone is mad at me, I want to make them madder. If someone is focusing negative emotions at me, my desire will be to become that which is most opposite to what they want. Sarcasm, flippant disregard, patronizing tone, and emotionless stonewalling. It is all, really, just a fancy embossed and clever form of self-justification, which is the same as self-worship. It's a way of denying that I'm in any way in the wrong, or need to change. Gotta catch it early. Gotta rebuke it firmly. Gotta increase the circle.

-J