Reviews Of Movies You've Already Seen presents: Frozen

So Disney's Frozen is a film as fluffy as freshly fallen snow, with roughly the same nutritional content.  It was in various stages of proposal and shelf since the 90's, but was finally thrown together after the tremendous success of Tangled.    Another reviewer keenly pointed out that the one-word titles of these films make them gender neutral so they don't drive off the boys (see Brave) with their female lead characters.

Anna and Elsa are sisters, and Elsa has ice powers summarized as follows:

Anna falls in love with a boy in just one day.  The boy turns out to be a jerk.  The moral of the story is that it takes slightly longer than one day to fall in love with someone, although you don't need to know any more about them.  The extra time by itself is sufficient.

The movie is a musical.  The message to our young people from the songs is as follows:

1.	"Frozen Heart" Ice is icy.  This theme make Frozen Heart one of only two songs in the film with reasonable morals.
2.	"Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" Anna sings this to Elsa who has annexed her sister out of her life.  Sometimes you need to pretend that people don't exist, though, for their own good.  Especially if you were previously close and they really care about you.
3.	"For the First Time in Forever" Anna is keen to get her flirt on.  If you've been repressed or had strict rules, it's important to mentally build up any opportunity to operate outside them as much as possible.  You may not have another chance, so fall in love as fast as possible with little or no outside consultation.
4.	"Love is an Open Door" Anna sings a love duet with a guy she has so much in common with, except he turns out later to be suddenly and plot-forcingly evil.  Singing a duet and doing a robot-dance with someone is plenty to base a marriage decision on.
5.	"Let It Go" Elsa's big number, where she gives the world the finger.  Remember kids, if you are different or ostracized, go create a world of your own far from everyone.  It's for the best.
6.	"Reindeer(s) Are Better Than People" The other song in the film with a reasonable lesson.  Well-argued and no longer than it needs to be to establish its point.
7.	"In Summer" Research is unnecessary.  Dream big.
8.	"For the First Time in Forever (Reprise)" Anna sings this to Elsa to try to talk her back down from the edge.  See, if the world rejects you, you still can't just turn your back on the world.  You're not allowed, because apparently the same things that made you a pariah also cause everyone else to have a bad time.  Incidentally, Elsa originally shuts out Anna on strict orders that Anna is not allowed to know about the ice powers for Anna's own protection.  But nothing awful happens to Anna whatsoever once she learns about Elsa's ice powers, rendering the entire brutal sisterly rejection at the beginning of the film totally needless.

9.	"Fixer Upper"

Amazing.  This song manages the Disney trifecta of treating an existing significant other as a plot obstacle to be overcome, interrupting a time-critical issue with a big musical number, and asserting that all takes to improve someone is the power of love.  It's also pretty catchy.  At the same time it's hard to enjoy because they are dancing around and relentlessly frustrating the main characters from communicating successfully that Anna is about to DIE.

Frozen is short, cute, and has pretty visuals.  The ice powers are very well executed and a lot of fun to watch.  The snowman character is only about half as annoying as the previews suggested, and even if you don't like him he's not in too many of the scenes.  His song is a good time for a bathroom break.  The other tunes are serviceable but about as deep as the first dusting of snow in winter, and the plot isn't any thicker; Mom and Dad die early, per Disney usual, but no one gets married at the end which is sort of novel.  You could find worse ways to spend an hour and a half / $12.  Frozen doesn't have much more to say than "don't be a jerk", which is a position it's hard to nitpick but at the same time one that I really hope isn't super revelatory to any audience.  Overall two and a half out of five snowflakes; Frozen is to film what gum is to food: a placeholder, but with a refreshing burst of ice.

-J