Blurred minds

Robin Thicke did an interview with GQ last May re: his video for "Blurred Lines".

"A lot of my videos and songs have been so serious—about love and pride and relationships and hope and getting over insecurities and vulnerabilities. But lately, I've just wanted to have fun and enjoy my life, really appreciate all the great things that I have, like a great wife, a great child, and a great career. That shows up in the music with more humor and light-heartedness.
...
We tried to do everything that was taboo. Bestiality, drug injections, and everything that is completely derogatory towards women. Because all three of us are happily married with children, we were like, "We're the perfect guys to make fun of this." People say, "Hey, do you think this is degrading to women?" I'm like, "Of course it is. What a pleasure it is to degrade a woman. I've never gotten to do that before. I've always respected women." So we just wanted to turn it over on its head and make people go, "Women and their bodies are beautiful. Men are always gonna want to follow them around." After the video got banned on YouTube, my wife tweeted, "Violence is ugly. Nudity is beautiful. And the 'Blurred Lines' video makes me wanna..." You know." 

Makes her want to get a divorce, apparently.

Robin Thicke and Paula Patton Separate

Back in September I speculated that If I made a video in which naked women dance for me while I sing "I know you want it" "You the hottest bitch in this place", I'm not convinced that would be the most effective way to show my wife that I love her.  After some time reflecting, I still stand by that position.

After a photo hit the web last fall showing a reflection of Thicke's hand grabbing a helping of another woman's bum (at a party his wife was at), he told Star Magazine, "“My only comment about the so-called scandalous photo would be that my wife are I are perfectly in love and very happily married. So, no complaints there.”  Right.  No complaints.  Or apologies.  Or contrition.  Or self-awareness.

I try hard not to engage in Schadenfreude, and I can honestly say that I don't extract any pleasure the from this iceberg/Titanic interaction, but I can't help but feel that a lot of people are going to be startled out of bed tomorrow when the sun once again rises in the East.  As it turns out, disrespecting your wife in public - as humorous and light-hearted as you feel it may be - is a very effective way to lose your wife.  We anoint ourselves invincible and beyond statistics.  We are unique snowflakes.  Haters gonna hate.  The tragedy to me is to watch it slowly, repeatedly unfold.  Cognitive dissonance sets in so firmly.  

“It’s the greatest love of the century... ...As a relationship progresses, you fall in love again in so many deeper ways. You realize that you need each other and you can’t live without each other.”

That was the rest of Thicke's statement to Star.  That was post-butt-grab-photograph.  Post-Miley-Cy-rub.  There's really no difference between me and this guy; I love my wife with all of my heart.  But if I ever start believing that I am above... I don't know.  Above my capacity to make bad decisions, humanity...  This guy had things that he wanted to do, and he crafted an internal narrative to justify those things.  That's what we usually do, as humans: we decide what we are going to do, and then we come up with the reasons.  And I'm sure he had a lot of people around him encouraging him to do those things.  I believe he really did feel totally "in love" (whatever his working definition was) with his wife, and I believe he felt totally okay with doing all the other nonsense he was getting up to.  But your wife doesn't live in the world you create.  That's where it all falls down... when it intersects with another human being who has the power to tell you "no".  No amount of cognitive dissonance can bridge the gap to another person's heart.

My old pastor used to say "sin will always take you further than you expected to stray, and keep you longer than you wanted to stay, and cost you more than you ever meant to pay."  I always thought it was kind of rhymey-trite, but I still remember it six years later so I guess he wins that one.  Anyway, Robin Thicke had an idol, and now one more thing has been sacrificed to it.  Sin kills.  One thing it kills is relationships.  Also, watch for the sunrise tomorrow.

-J