5/28/10

I've been pretty deeply contemplative the last two days. I've also forgotten to take my multivitamin the last two days. Correlation does not demand causation, but it's interesting to note.
It was good to play host tonight, but I hate coming home to a messy house. It's my own fault, really. It's no one else's job to clean my kitchen, anyway. But I have got to find the oomph to start doing this stuff in the morning. Previous week of evenings:

Saturday: Melting Pot & Audio setup, home at 10:30
Sunday: Dinner with the Jimmersons, home at 10:30
Monday: anime night, home at 9:45
Tuesday: Photo shoot, home at 10:00
Wednesday: CG, Home early at 8:00, went to bed at 9:00
Thursday: Shawna's birthday, home at 10:00
Friday: Movie night, home at 10:45

This week hasn't been "bad". On the contrary, every individual thing has been good, but this is not sustainable. A smart Jeremy would nap tomorrow afternoon, but that's never as good as nighttime sleep. Hm.

- J

stupid brain

ME: Time to be useful!
MY BRAIN: don' wanna.
ME: But that's what time it is.
MY BRAIN: no. i wanna do this useless thing instead.
ME: I am going to stand here doing nothing until you step in line.
MY BRAIN: no! no! waaaaaa!
ME: Why don't you want to do useful things?
MY BRAIN: because as soon as i do, i'll feel bad for the other useless things i've spent the entire rest of this morning doing. but as long as i keep doing more useless things, i can ignore it. :D
ME: ...

- J

Might not get a chance to blog later

I love you, I love you.

- J

go go speed blogger

"They have tenderizers in them, so they can make advanced reputations about curiosity to a LAN."
-Pastor Mark, in my half-awake daydream this morning, unintentionally informing me that it's time to get up.

- J

Think think

That is the sound of me thinking. Much on my mind... or rather, not much, but my mind is quite occupied with it. Thinking about Check Out My Cards, and about Google. I want to make the right decision, and I don't want to be o'er hasty. I've prayed some, and I need to pray more. It's not about money (although it is, sorta)... this is about walking in the way that has been prepared for me. I feel like this is a big test. I know how things look on the surface, but I'm being called to look deeper.

- J

5/20/10

I watched a homeless person almost get hit by a car on my way home last night. He decided to cross the street in the middle of traffic, and wasn't even in any hurry. Just sort of shuffling along. The guy in the lane to my left stopped for him, and I did too a little further back. A red sports car behind the driver to my left couldn't see him, though, and decided we had stopped because we were stupid. I saw what was happening, but couldn't do anything about it... he swerved in front of me without signalling and accelerated. He missed this homeless guy by inches, literally inches. If the guy had hurried up at all while crossing the street he would have been killed. It shook me up. The guy was totally oblivious, though. Just kept walking, didn't flinch or look up...

- J

5/19/10

Morning again. This always seems to happen.
The smell of caulk is making me kinda headachy, but I'm still glad for my new windows. I don't have much to write, but I'll see you tonight. ...There are no other chicks I'll be picking up at six! ... um... what rhymes with "Regional"?
Polyhedronal...
Norwegianal...

- J

Today:

* Activated Amazon.com Rewards Card from Chase
* Reserved wedding venues
* Ran a load of dishes
* Set an appointment for an interview tomorrow with the owner of Checkoutmycards
* Recieved a start-date at Google: June 1st. 2:45pm-11:15pm. =/
* Got two of three windows replaced

These new windows have been sitting sort-of-under-cover behind the tree out back for over a month now easily. They are dirty, and not just outside; on the insides where it is hard to clean. Nicing them up will be a project.

- J

Good morning everything

I am really rather sore. In the back, not the brain. I got out of bed ten minutes before my alarm went off, and decided the Lord had graciously provided me some time for prayer. It was really good... I feel like I've been piggybacking off of the prayer of others for a couple weeks now. I'll give God a "whats up" nod, but I haven't been pursuing the relationship like I should. It was good. Good to make supplication on behalf of others... to have enough time that things could float to the surface of my memory, like "oh yeah, I should pray for that too".
I am hungry. Breakfast is sounding pretty good. I'm pretty sure God always provides me with time for prayer with Him. I just use it to check my email instead. When I get to heaven, though, I don't think I'll be bragging about how much my email was checked. It's so checked though! No, not so much. Priorities, J. Be in this life for the long-term.

- J

Diary of a selfish kid

I was feeling a little weird today driving home from anime night. Weird like just a weird feeling about us. I thought about it for a while and realized it was stemming from my own brain, and it being petty. I was so happy to see you today. I hope that came across well. The old part of me, like a vestigial organ, seems to serve no purpose except to become infected. 'Waah' says my old brain, 'I wanted red knives.' 'She shouldn't have said she told my mom not to show me the dress, she should have read my mind and known I would know that bit of etiquette.'
Be quiet, old brain. I do not need you. Today my fiancée came over and held me and kissed me and napped with me on the couch, and I should have given anime night a "whatever" and taken a walk with her because the weather was nice and she is always special.

I apologize to you on behalf of my old brain, and the petulant, self-centered ideas it tries to hand me. I called you, but you didn't answer... I hope it is because you have gone to bed, because that is just the sort of smart thing you would do. i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)

- J

5/15/10

Lapronomics: the position that because smaller people take up less material resources and physical space, humans must begin to reduce their average size by selecting shorter partners.

- J

p.s.

I am totally excited for you to go gown shopping tonight as well.
We're getting married! To each other!

It's pretty awesome.

- J

Yeah, write.

What can I say? What is left to say? What things, upon saying them here in this format, would not be a repetition of previous said things? That is, things said that were already said by me; previously, in other manners of communication. I can quote other people all day long.

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something."

Oh snap, I think I just got served by Plato.
Actually, at one of my deliveries (The Little School) (A strong contender for: Places I Would Consider Strongly Sending My Own Child Or Children To) (Along with Hogwarts) the administrator has a pretty piece of calligraphy up on her wall, quoting Plato. I can't find any reference to it online, which makes me wonder, but it goes like this: "Let art be the foundation of education, for it can operate during the sleep of reason. And when reason does come, art will have prepared a way for her." I like it. Partly because it's a prettier way of saying what I already feel. I don't know if it can really be exercised to the conclusion of its demand, but the value of art in early childhood is rarely in danger of being overemphasized.
Art programs tend to be the first on the chopping block, because you can't grade art. You can't test for it or quantify it. People even have a hard time defining it... this strange need we have to create the potent from impotent components. I mean, that car there goes thirty miles on a gallon of gas, definitively, but... is it pretty? What government oversight panel can determine that a school's art scores are dipping dangerously low?
There is rarely any conviction associated with that which we cannot define.

- J

hiss hiss

I have continually thought to post in this blog over the past two days, but at precisely un-useful times. It's mountingly frustrating, because this whole project is a love letter to you, and it's one I'm not done writing yet.

Today: check.

I was thinking about personal problems. I feel like in our society, there has been an odd inversion of the relationship of maintenance to character. I, specifically, have to deal with a number of effects related to being a human person. Sometimes I get this gnawing sensation in my stomach when I haven't put food in it for a while. And it's hard to focus if I haven't slept in the last day or so. I know, it's really embarrassing. I mean, why would I even admit to such humiliating conditions? The preceding is, of course, farce. Culture has simply dubbed some aspects of personal maintenance "acceptable", and others as "un". Psychotherapy was trendy in the 80's and 90's, but now it means you're a crackpot. Me, I've got dandruff to deal with. It's astounding how endemic it is, this idea that a dry scalp actually reflects a devaluation of my soul. I say it because I find myself feeling it too. So if a guy is a sleaze and can't hold a job, but has fabulous hair and smells like a warm tropical breeze, he's okay? I slink through the shampoo aisle, hoping no one will notice me reaching for something "medicated". If only I could buy zinc on the black market. Where have we gone wrong here?
I bought some Men's Vitamins from TJ's today, in the belief that they will make me more manly. I certainly need them; I've got to compensate for these glaring flaws somehow. Hopefully no one will find out that my body can't synthesize essential nutrients on it's own. What would they think?
Shameful.

- J

etchings

My inconsistency has become pattern. I wish it didn't seem so inevitable.
Michael Reid texted me at 9:30 tonight and told me to come over to eat the food he and Micah were making. It was good. Nice to get some guy-time in tonight... pouring over venues turns my brain to strudel. I will be glad when something has been finalized.
Nothing really to say. Need to go to bed two hours ago.

- J

bridge over troubled water

It's a good day. I'm trying harder these days to separate out events from condition... that is to say, things I consider to be "good" occurring are not what should define "a good day", but it's a good day because Jesus is alive and I've been given work to do by God. Through obedience, faith. Through faith, wisdom. But good things are happening too.
I've been thinking about your parents... it is the worldly mind which says "it was difficult for me, it should therefore be difficult for others." The Christian thinks, "I want those who come after me to have an easier time than I did." That is selflessness; giving up one's position of preeminence in the mind. Believing that your experiences should be a tool to help others do better than you, go further than you did, find greater success. The hand is open, and the soul is therefore free.
We need to pray for your parents, and love them as well as they allow, and show Christ to them in this process. I feel a great swell of encouragement from God in this. He wishes to use our marriage for His glory even more than we do. We don't "make" it happen. We listen, and allow Him to do it Himself. We get ourselves out of the way. Again, it's selflessness. This is the right springboard for a life together.

- J

Melody of certain damaged lemons

I wish I had the time to lie back and listen to every song by Blonde Redhead a hundred times. It feels like it would open some mystical doorway in the mind, like maybe I could talk to dead people or something, or guess the answers to tomorrow's crossword puzzles. I don't know... something amazing.
I went home from work a little early today because I wasn't feeling well, and if I could go home from home I'd do that too. I'll feel alright tomorrow, but my stomach is protesting something it feels pretty strongly about. A little lightheaded.
I need to call Randstad and find out what's up. I talked with Ms. Quackenbush on the phone this morning, so hopefully my windows will be swapped out soon. Annoyed that the guy from the baseball card site hasn't gotten in touch yet.
Srsly you guys.
You guys.
Srsly.

- J

Monday! MONDAY.

Okay, so this is all good. Being engaged to you is pretty sweet and by sweet I mean rad. New job thinkings have got me on my heels a bit, but not in a bad way. I've been driving for Sugee's for two and a half years. It'll be weird to work somewhere else. And different hours. And not get free sandwiches. Weird but good.
I've emailed Samson about premarital, and it will be good if you can ask me how that's coming along from time to time. I've also emailed UrbanLight (which is close to both Ballard and Lake City), and I had a decent breakfast. But I haven't shaved yet!
!!
Okay, I gotta go. Whoooosh! (a go-ing sound)
Love you.

-J