2/26/10

Gifts of the Spirit, as noted by Paul in chapter 12 of the First Letter to the Corinthians:
-Wisdom
-Knowledge
-Faith
-Healing
-Miracles
-Prophecy
-Distinguishing of spirits
-Speaking in tongues
-Interpreting tongues
-Apostleship
-Teaching
-Helping
-Administration

This is not an exclusive list.  I know Paul mentions other things elsewhere, like giving.  I thought it was pretty good, though.  He ends the section by saying: "But earnestly desire the greater gifts.  And I show you a still more excellent way."  I'm not sure exactly what that means.
I have found one of the most useful companions in my studies to be Albert Barnes (1798–1870).  I quote him now at length, because he is so wise, and loves Jesus so much, and is so helpful to me.

1Co 12:31 -
"But covet earnestly - Greek “Be zealous for”. This word, however, may be either in the indicative mood (ye do covet earnestly), or in the imperative, as in our translation. Doddridge contends that it should be rendered in the indicative mood, for he says it seems to be a contradiction that after the apostle had been showing that these gifts were not at their own option, and that they ought not to emulate the gifts of another, or aspire to superiority, to undo all again, and give them such contrary advice. The same view is given by Locke, and so Macknight. The Syriac renders it, “Because you are zealous of the best gifts, I will show to you a more excellent way.” But there is no valid objection to the common translation in the imperative, and indeed the connection seems to demand it. Grotius renders it, “Pray to God that you may receive from him the best, that is, the most useful endowments.”
The sense seems to be this, “I have proved that all endowments in the church are produced by the Holy Spirit; and that he confers them as he pleases. I have been showing that no one should be proud or elated on account of extraordinary endowments; and that, on the other hand, no one should he depressed, or sad, or discontented, because he has a more humble rank. I have been endeavoring to repress and subdue the spirit of discontent, jealousy, and ambition; and to produce a willingness in all to occupy the station where God has placed you. But, I do not intend to deny that it is proper to desire the most useful endowments; that a man should wish to be brought under the influence of the Spirit, and qualified for eminent usefulness. I do not mean to say that it is wrong for a man to regard the higher gifts of the Spirit as valuable and desirable, if they may be obtained; nor that the spirit which seeks to excel in spiritual endowments and in usefulness, is improper.
Yet all cannot be apostles; all cannot be prophets. I would not have you, therefore, seek such offices, and manifest a spirit of ambition. I would seek to regulate the desire which I would not repress as improper; and in order to that, I would show you that, instead of aspiring to offices and extraordinary endowments which are beyond your grasp, there is a way, more truly valuable, that is open to you all, and where all may excel.” Paul thus endeavors to give a practicable and feasible turn to the whole subject, and further to repress the longings of ambition and the contentions of strife, by exciting emulation to obtain that which was accessible to them all, and “which, just in the proportion in which it was obtained,” would repress discontent, and strife, and ambition, and produce order, and peace, and contentedness with their endowments and their lot, the main thing which he was desirous of producing in this chapter. This, therefore, is one of the “happy turns” in which the writings of Paul abounds. He did not denounce their zeal as wicked. He did not attempt at once to repress it. He did not say that it was wrong to desire high endowments. But he showed them an endowment which was more valuable than all the others; which was accessible to all; and which, if possessed, would make them contented, and produce the harmonious operation of all the parts of the church. That endowment was love."

- J

The continuing adventures of Good Girlfriend

My interview with ServPro is next Thursday at three.  She listed it as a "Production Dept" screening, which is the team that actually goes in and fixes things.  I'm open to anything, but while that would certainly be a useful skill to pick up, I doubt very much they'll want to train me up from point zero.  We'll see.
Jehoshaphat was a king of Judah who had a vast array of battle-hardened dudes come up to fight him.  He knew he was in trouble, so he prayed to God for help.  And God said, "Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude. For the battle is not yours, but God's." [2Ch 20:15]
I don't really have anything to add to that.  If my confidence is in myself, whether towards pride or despair, I am still an idolater.  God brought me out of the wilderness to this good land.  He ransomed me from where I was a captive, and led me, and strengthened me, and increased my faith.  He gave me laws where I had chaos, and He game me relationships where I was alone, and he placed His Spirit in the temple of my heart to reside with me.  He gave me hope.  My duty is to Him, to serve Him and no other master.  To honor Him and no other God.  I am Israel.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart  and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." [Pro 3:5-6]

- J

The continuing adventures of Good Boyfriend

Movies I liked and want to see again:
Gattaca
Princess Mononoke
Kiki's Delivery Service
Casablanca
Clue
Help!

- J

List of People I Am Not Breaking Up With

1) You

- J

Couraging

[Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.] Colossians 3:23-24

Rich called me into his office this morning as soon as I got to work.  The terrible grinding noise I was hearing from my brakes were because the brakes were shot.  And the wiggle in the seat is from a cracked bracket, which will cost $700 to replace if the garage can't salvage one from somewhere.  I didn't have to be present to know what Rich's conversation with the mechanic went like.  "Why is my car a thousand-dollars-worth of broken?" "Well, your driver must treat it like garbage."  I still have a job, for which I have been thanking the Lord all day.  But it's tough.  I can't prove that I'm a good driver; only avoid proving otherwise.  And if something on the car randomly breaks again, I don't know what will happen.  There's nothing I can say besides "I am not careless with your possessions," for which there appears to be strong evidence to the contrary.
God is my justifier in all things.  In big things, and in little things.  The girl at the Safeway today ignored me for six minutes while watching a guy fill out his employment application, and then treated me like I was a problem customer.  It was eerily like your dream, actually.  I want to list Rich as a personal reference, and "Jeremy did not treat my car with respect," is not a glowing testimony.  But Rich does not bear the responsibility for securing me a new job.  Fortunately, neither do I.  It is from the Lord that my provision comes.

I applied for a job that I would really like this afternoon.  Craigslist statistics suggest that they will receive over fifty responses.  I am glad that my hope is not in the world.  It's the only reason why people can ask me how I'm doing on a day like today, and I can say "really well," with honesty.

- J

Fridiggity? Friggidyday?

It has been some time since I had an evening to just sort of chill out.  I sent my résumé out for an executive assistant position today, and I ate a banana.  So that's two non-useless things.
Tomorrow is Saturdiggity and I have even less planned.  No!  That's no way to go about a weekend.  It's list time!
THE LIST.
-Read the Bible
-Talk to God about life, and the future, and Erin
-Run 2 loads of laundry
-Wash the dishes
-Hit up Target 
-Touch base with Christoph
-If it is sunny like today, seriously, take a walk
-Acquire apple-banana cake
-Play guitar
-Chillax

That's all totally do-able.  Now I gotta do it; I made a list.

- J

Under the wire

It is still Thursday.  
...
That's about all I got.
Dear Future Jeremy,
Tonight Erin allowed you to take her out to dinner.  You had the lamb, and she had the salmon, and your cheek muscles ached from smiling and laughing by the end of the night.  You made googly-eyes at each other, and then went to her house and snuggled on the couch.  It was really nice.  It was nice in a way that made you think people don't use the word "nice" appropriately most of the time.  Nice was this, and all that other stuff people mean when they use the word is really something else, like "acceptable" or "fairly pleasant".
I know you'll remember the evening, but I'm writing this to you so you don't forget the details.  We have to look out for each other.
Write back soon,
Love,
Present Jeremy

- J

Writer's block.  My mind feels blank.  Like my imagination is somehow related to my curtains, and now my brain is sadly crumpled on the floor in empathy.

The acoustics in my bedroom are actually really nice, now.  There's a little bit of an echo that makes everything sound important.  And I have a picture of you on my desk.

- J

Go to work.

Searching for jobs can be daunting.  I'm made of possibility, so it is difficult to narrow anything down.  And yet I'm not very qualified in any professional terms, which makes it hard to find any roses amongst the thickets of Prior Experience Required.  If I wasn't absolutely convinced that God will take care of me, it would be easy to spiral down into despair.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11
...
A lady is going to call me today about a potential thing in Seattle.  I feel mixed about it, but not bad.  I'm happy she's calling.  Seattle is far, but not unreasonable.  I'd have to look up the bus routes.
"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom." ~ Ecclesiastes 9:10
...
Everything is going to be okay.  It's time to go to work, now.  I am most grateful.

- J

Love Letters from the Skeleton Kingdom of the Moon - Part 2

Cable turned the envelope over again in his gloved hands.  Even through the supple black leather, his fingers could feel the low heat that constantly emanated from it.  Ms. Jones had given him the flimsy envelope an hour ago, and an even flimsier set of facts attached to it.  He eyed the shape of it, categorizing it's elements in his mind.
The envelope was envelope-shaped, eight and a half inches wide and about half as much tall.  One side had Verity Jones' address written on it in neat, old-fashioned script, black ink on slightly yellowed paper.  The other side could not be seen, completely covered in stamps perhaps three layers deep.  Every part of it was a constant one hundred and four degrees precisely.  The return address was listed as 8° 59' 29" S, 15° 30' 52" E.  Cable had looked it up; the coordinates were in the middle of the mountainous wilderness of northern Angola.
"My mother received a letter like this every Valentine's day since before I was born," Verity had said to Cable, her eyes drifting off into the past.  "She would light a few logs in the fireplace before going out to get the post, and after coming back inside she would immediately throw the letter into the flames.  I never saw her open even one."  Cable had sat back in his chair and not replied, waiting for her to explain the reason for her visit.  "Last August my mother died.  And last week Tuesday this was waiting for me under my door."  Tuesday had been February fourteenth.       
Verity had paused for an extended time.  Usually Cable let his clients dictate the pace of conversation, but this time ambiguity had gotten the better of him.  "What is is, exactly, that you would like to retain my services for Ms. Jones?"  She looked at him directly for the first time in many minutes, her mind now fully back in the present.
"When I saw that letter on Tuesday morning, I thought I would finally find an answer I had felt certain was forever lost.  But the way it looks now is the way I picked it up."  Cable pressed the top and bottom of the envelope together with his thumb and forefinger,  The right side, torn open, yawned to reveal an empty interior.  "Somebody knew that letter was going to arrive on Tuesday, and they got to it before me.  In my house.  And then, to spite me it seems, they put it right back where I would find it instead of keeping it like any halfway decent larcenous cretin would have done."
Verity had fought back tears and Cable had offered her a paper towel.  She blew her nose into it and composed herself.   "I want the contents of that envelope, Mr. Meridian.  I do not care what it costs."
Cable had leaned back again, genuinely studying the envelope for the first of what would be many times.  He tilted his head to one side, and adjusted his fedora.  "Is there anything else you can tell me?" he had asked his client.  Verity nodded, silently.
"Once when I was young, I asked my mother who it was that sent her all those letters.  She was a gentle woman, but became very irate... 'he's dead and more's the better', she told me, and then sent me to bed without dinner for nosing into business that wasn't my own.  But now it is my business.  This letter was sent to me, and I have to know... I must know, Mr. Meridian, the secret behind it."
Cable had narrowed his eyes and looked at her in a measuring way.  "Meet me here in a week," he had told her.  "At this time.  Bring as much money as you can reasonably fit into a hard-bodied guitar case.  And come armed."  Her perfect eyebrows had risen behind her delicate white veil.
"Do you expect risk, Mr. Meridian?"
Cable smiled a little smile, like an inside joke.  "You are on a hunt for truth, Ms. Jones.  It rarely comes quietly."

- J

2/15/10

Leaving for family thingummy.  Will write more later.  
I have had a really nice morning, and I miss you.

-J

2/12/10

Today I wrote a valentine.  That was the most important thing.  Later I also did a little lettering, and a lot of typesetting.  It always makes me a little nuts when I discover after multiple hours that the thing I was trying to figure out how to do was actually dead simple - just completely unmarked and not mentioned anywhere.    

- J

Hmm

Thoughts from today's brain:
-I should think about learning Mandarin.  That would be a marketable skill.
- ♪ and I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad ♪
-Yup.  Hat still necessary.
-A lot of my pacing in my relationship with Erin was based on an imaginary security.  With my two jobs I could have provided for her fairly well, but my internship always had the hourglass running.  I am glad this happened now.
-God is my provider.  While it is in sharper focus now, it is a constant truth.
-Yup.  Hat still necessary.

- J

...

I finally finished my cover letter yesterday, and mailed it in along with my resume.  This morning they emailed me back and said the window of opportunity had closed - they only do a couple of instructor-level classes a year, and I was too late to get in on this one.  The lady was fairly encouraging - she said to feel free to keep checking their website or even touch base with her from time to time.
Part of me is relieved, because I know Driver Instructor isn't the career I want.  Part of me is bummed out, though.  Half because "oh no, I took too long writing my cover letter and now I've missed my chance!" (although it's a fair bet that I never would have gotten in under the wire - the Craigslist post had been up since the beginning of January).  Half because it really did sound like fun and a lot of money compared to what I'm used to.  My imagination tends to fill in details with either very-best-case Platonic nonsense or very-worst-case ridiculous disaster... I think this may be compared to that couch that didn't work out.  Just because I can't see anything bad from my angle doesn't mean it is therefore good.
So now... I don't know.  Jubilee looks a lot more attractive all of a sudden, if they're really as interested in building a relationship as came across in our first meeting.  I'll see how this class goes... they're non-profit, which always means a tight belt; I mean, there's no guarantee they're able to hire on at all right now.  We'll see.
...
An ellipsis is really how I feel.

- J

Oh nose

Yeah, so I didn't do the writing I wanted to do yesterday.  I did a lot of good things, but not that thing.  After dinner with everyone (where I was tragically Chicken Tikki Masala'd to death) I met up with two guys from my community group.  They're four or five years younger than me; one works for Microsoft on Windows Messenger, and the other is a bio researcher for the University of Washington.  ...
We're doing a class for some kids at Jubilee Reach starting this Wednesday.  We'll be teaching them how to use a camera, how to use free editing software, and eventually how to upload their video onto YouTube.  I hope some kids come, but even more I hope we make good instructors.  
It felt weird... these two guys seem a lot further along in their lives than me, but I was the one who had to plant the flag and insist we not use copyrighted music, or allow the kids to do so.  It's not about whether the law is dumb; it's about whether you are going to honor the institutions God has set up or not.  This morning I read Romans thirteen, which made me feel a little better about having to be That Guy.  Anyway, we don't want any parents to be able to point at Jubilee and say "They're teaching our kids bad morals!". 

Last night I had an idea for a short film I want to make as a demo for the kids.

The Punch
Directed by J. David Williams; Runtime 1 minute

Camera fades in from black to a suburban street.  No music, just birds and distant cars.  Ramblers and hedges.  Cut to a young man walking roughly towards the camera.
Cut to a house.  A man comes out to pick up the newspaper at the end of his driveway.  Walks, picks it up.  Opens it and begins to read the headline.  After a second, he gets a strange expression and looks to his left.  
 Cut to the young man walking.  Eye contact between the two.  Ceaseless rage envelops the younger man. Squealing metal riffs begin to play.  He charges forward.
Cut to the man with the paper.  The music stops whenever the camera is on him.  His expression is blank, early morning lack of comprehension.
Camera jumps between the two men multiple times.  The young man charges headlong towards the older man, somewhat excessively.  Finally he reaches his quarry.
Slow motion, he lunges forward with the world's most devastating fist.
Fist approaches camera.
Camera approaches man's face.
Side shot of fist reaching face, cut to stock footage of an atomic explosion.
...
The man with the paper is fine.  He looks down.  Cut to empty sneakers on the ground next to him, smoke wafting from them.  He folds the paper under his arm and walks away from the camera, back into the house.
Fade to black.

- J

Almost interesting

It's high time I posted something longer and narrative.  Later today seems poised for such a venture.  Right now it's time to go to work, though.
Yesterday was idyllic.

- J

2/5/10

"Everything I want to say to you, instead I will prove; and my conduct shall be the testimony of my heart"

- J

Writing summary

Today I wrote the first half of a cover letter. The last cover letter I wrote was in 2005, an unsolicited petition for employment to the editor of Wenatchee's local newspaper. I don't think I ever mailed it, but for a while I was really considering staying in Eastern Washington long-term. I still like the pace of life there. The orchards, the river... I miss them. Now that my grandparent's home belongs to somebody else, there's not much for me to visit. If some day, somehow I bought that house back and lived there... well, I can think of worse things. But God can probably think of better. It's enough that I had that span of time at all.

- J

2/3/10

I feel a wonderful and new way.  The word 'relationship' has more depth to it than I was aware of before.  I feel close to you.

- J

Lies that are being suggested to me by the Enemy

An ongoing list:

-Erin won't respect you because you don't work at Mars Hill anymore
-Erin will leave you because all women only really care how much money a man makes
-It will be a good thing if Pastor Tim and Jason completely fail at your old job
-You were let down by Mars Hill because they didn't take any time to mentor you
-You were let go because Jason is Pastor Tim's favorite / project / lapdog
-You were kept on such a tight leash that you never had a chance to grow
-No one cared about you personally, they just wanted you to stay quiet and do a job
-Mars Hill values talent over faithfulness

I wish to restate that all of these are lies, told to me by a liar.

-J

Pleasure vs. Joy

It's probably an incomplete analysis, but the concept of 'pleasure' seems so closely linked to uncertainty.  No one would watch a soccer match if they knew the outcome beforehand.  No one would use drugs if they could clearly see the future consequences.  Pleasure is extracted from the unknown, which seems to be a twist on the idea of self-worship.  "I do not know the future," says the soul, "therefore no one can know.  Therefore none is above me.  Therefore I am God.  My judgment is the final word, and no one can tell me how to live."  The devil always whispers in your ear... all it takes for Satan to rule you is for you to not to seek other voices to overpower his.  My heart is heavy for every child who grew up in a home where their father had a more passionate relationship with the local sports team than with his own children.
In the kingdom of heaven, there is no chaos; no uncertainty.  
1Co 13:12 For now we see in a mirror, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know fully even as also I was fully known. 
1Co 13:13 But now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
... "fully known".  There is no suspense there.  The things of God are what bring us true joy, and in His kingdom there is complete understanding.  It's not a sin to watch a football game... but if you would turn it off the moment some careless person told you the final score, a bit of self-reflection might be wise.

-J

2/1/10

Woke up this morning and opened Romans to where I had left off.  Read chapter 8, verses 1 through 25.  Oh Lord, how well you know me.

-J