4/28/11

It occurred to me that the thought pattern which elevates the love of God to the prime virtue is often argued as "I couldn't worship a God who wasn't [loving/compassionate/forgiving/let's-be-honest:-tolarant-of-me-just-the-way-I-am].  What it REALLY is, though, is an unwillingness to believe that our sin is really THAT BAD.  That it's so bad that it separates us from God, and that there are real actual consequences for our actions taken against God.  We hate that.  As kids, we don't want our actions to have consequences, and I don't think that inner desire for no personal accountablility ever goes away.  Even in my dreams when I have done something bad, I think "Oh man... how am I going to escape the consequences?"  An All-Love God of course laughs away our childish follies because on the scale of universal time they have no comparative significance.  Except Jesus teaches that God 1) knows us intimately and 2) exists apart from time.  Our sin is always before God.  He does not forget, and if he forgives a real crime he is not just and therefore not perfect and worthy of all worship and praise.  He would not be Himself.  The All-Love God is a human-created myth that allows people to not change, and not take personal responsability
I have sin?  And it's real, and it's so bad that if I don't accept the sacrifice of Christ in my place, I will be separated from God forever?  That doesn't sound like it would be pleasant to believe.

-J

4/19/11: Day 2

Still so good.  Costco came so I had a ham and swiss toasted sandwich.  There's chocolate milk too, but it hasn't been agreeing with me lately so I should probably leave it alone.  Okay, back to it.
I made it to round 2 of the character battle.  The due-date is, obnoxiously, Easter.  We'll have to see how this will come together.

-J

4/18/11 Part 2

So far: still so good (+ 2 ibprofin and my mom bought me a good lunch).

-J

4/18/11 Part 1

So far: so good. =)

-J

4/15/11

I have to remind myself that just because something is super awkward, it doen's necessarily mean that it's my fault that it's awkward.  Awkwardness is an inseperable element of some processes.
Listeing to KEXP on the radio at my desk at work is much kinder to my brain than listening to the sports radio playing across the room.  Even if they're playing a song I don't like, or one that prompts a questionable remark from a coworker, it's still much better than endlessly hearing the loops of people who are paid to professionally offer opinions on things that are totally abstract and without importance.

-J

4/13/11

It's a day.  I'm almost at twenty four hours for the week already, which is good.  Mostly there's just a lot competing for my attention.  I've been diverted onto a special project today, which is enjoyable but I have to step back mentally from my other usual obligations.  It's easy to start freaking out going "aaaa, how is everything going to get done?", but in truth all I have to be concerned with is my little area.  The rest isn't my worry.  Emotionally I've taken too much ownership of things, so I'm distressed if the manpower calculation doesn't seem to add up.  That's a good recipe for burning out, though.  This isn't my company or department, and I just need to work honestly wherever they happen to want me that day / hour / minute / second / you get the idea.

-J

4/12/11

Feeling down today, but I'm hard-pressed to say exactly why.  Listeing to KEXP felt demoralizing, like i'm too old to start anything worthwhile musically.  I feel like I've squandered my youth in fleeting pleasures and distractions, and I wish I'd spent all that time playing videogames on playing some sort of instrument instead.  I want to be a part of a musical collaberation of artists, but I feel like my hands are empty.  I have nothing to offer anyone serious.

-J

4/8/11

Dustin preached that Christians shouldn't keep secrets, which seems biblical to me.  In our show last night, Cora fell for an old trick of the devil: "I'm lying, but it's for the sake of someone else."  You can't benefit someone by sinning against them.  Maybe there's a scandal - that's not your concern.  Maybe there's consequences - but better from men than from God.

Struggling with ideas of career always stresses me out; I always forget how much.  The corporate world has always seemed like sort of a country club to me in the way they guard the gates.  "We'd like to have you in for an interview."  "Great!"  "The interview will be in Russian."  "Um... is fluency necessary for the job?"  "No."  "Will I use Russian in any way or deal with Russians?"  "No."  "O...kay..."
If you don't know the language, what to say, what not to say, what to lie about, how not to answer trick questions, don't bother wasting your time or theirs.

-J

Posting

remains difficult to maintain, but hey - nothing easy is worth struggling for, right?  Of course, if it's easy, and you're still struggling, that raises some other valid questions.  In any case, I shall persevere as best I'm able, and my goal shall be a better average over time.  It's never how you do in any one game - the finals are populated with people who were strong over a season.  Sports analogies.  Woo.
It's Friday.  It's a good day.  Time to get back to it.

- J