Packaging

I still don't feel like Mars Hill has done a fab job in packaging redemption groups as anything other than Christian rehab.  Claiming that there were "no wrong answers" on the prepare / enrich assessment was somewhat insulting, and I can't help but feel that our instruction to attend RD was a direct result of giving some "wrong" replies on key questions.
If you're going to ask someone to give you the same evening every week without fail for three months, I feel like more notice than ten days would be polite.  They're not doing themselves any favors on the outside or on the inside of the RD experience so far.

- J

Praise

I'm really hungry for praise.  I love being told "good job".  I don't know if that is universal to the human experience, but when I create something that people like it makes me feel so good.  A moderator finally approved my post on the forums where I uploaded my tournament entry song, and someone commented that they liked it.  I was really nervous for some reason, worried that people would think it was lame, so that one comment has been making me smile all morning.  I wrote a song, and a guy listened to it and thought it was funny. =)
Maybe there's a lesson about "fear of man" in there somewhere.  Probably.

- J

3/24/11

I've had a lot of opportunity to show grace lately.  Between work, answering calls, and now a thorn-in-my-side player in the email game I'm running, "let all that you do be done in love" is being matured in me.

-J

3/21/11

Time to lead courageously.

- J

3/16/11

Listening to contemporary hiphop, the image that strikes me most poignantly is the void in the lives of a lot of young men where a father should be.  There is a generation growing up with no concept of what manhood is, and so culture has stepped in to fill the gap.  Naturally, someone with a blank slate is going to gravitate to that which seems most externally appealing, since there's no internal substance to function as a guide. So "manhood" becomes being feared, being considered dangerous, getting away with things that other are arrested for, making money, the ability to have sex whenever you want with anyone you want, being envied, desired, intimidating, having a lot of - naturally - external status indicators.  Because when you are informed by only that which you can observe, observation becomes a necessary element.  It's really sad.
Ancient cultures with their temple prostitutes and child sacrifice to Baal were so backward.  Now lets go to the club to have an experience, hook up with some girl there I've never met before, have a one-nighter, and if she gets pregnant we can abort it because otherwise that would cost a lot of money.
It's kind of frightening how contemporary the bible is.

- J

3/15/11

I remembered to write yesterday while at work, but my breaks were very irregular so it didn't line up.  A shrug.  I think Jimmy's advice was good - be intentional, but don't kill yourself over self-imposed legalism.  Our heart is changed, our desires and habits are changed through the Holy Spirit and not by some amazing willpower and work of our own.
So I'm writing now.

- J

3/11/11

I still like Obama.  He's not perfect, and above that he's a politician, but he is intelligent, well-spoken, reasonable, and he tends to make a lot of sense.  The blind clenched-fist hate towards him is baffling to me, and I have a hard time believing that it is simply grounded in pure political disagreement.

-J

3/10/11 Part 2

A coworker was watching some TV during my break, and it was pleasantly obvious that in the last year and a half of not having network access, I've missed no quality content whatsoever.

-J

3/10/11

No, I did that thing again where I did a lot of other stuff that seemed important at the time and then ran out of time to write on my break!  Well, I'll just have to come back later.

- J

3/9/11

I heart you too.

- J

3/7/11

I read some Revelation today.  It was good.  It was a good start.  It's hard not to talk about every call after I get it.  I feel like i'm sort of a natural mental networker.  Any idea I have, I want to get it out into space as quickly as possible so I can bounce it off other people and triangulate my own position.  Basically it's like echolocation, only instead of finding bugs I'm trying to figure out if I'm crazy all the time.
My boss' boss told me in no uncertain terms how he would like a thing done, this was on Friday.  Today, I related it to my boss to see how the thing should be done, and he told me that we should do the exact opposite.  I re-realize that this is not how I process instruction from authority.  If I am told "do this thing", then unless it's immoral I will do it and not really question the reasoning.  I figure that feedback and analysis isn't really what I was hired for.  But then, it is sort of what he was hired for, so I shouldn't judge that.  He's responsible for himself and his process.  I'm responsible for me.

- J

3/4/11

Mm.  My knees hurt.  Retrieving cards is not kind to me lately.  Hopefully there will be a lot of sitting to do today.  ECCC doesn't worry me, since walking seems to be no trouble.  It's constant standing in one place that's the trouble - when my knees tend to lock and overextend a little.  In the grand scheme, I'm doing well.  I don't have any serious complaints and it's not like i'm crippled or can't get around.  I just feel young to be dealing with a problem like this, and more than that I feel frustrated that going to see a physical therapist is a luxury that I really can't afford.  Because only rich people or people with the right jobs should be well.  Yay capitalism.

Depressing post is depressing.  But I'm actually in pretty high spirits.

- J

3/3/11

Reading the bible during my first break was a good idea.  1 Cor 13 + 14.  You tell 'em, Paul.  You tell the world.

I feel like I'm doing well at work.  Jeff and Geoff are both bringing things to me and saying "please handle this, 'cuz you're the guy who can do that".  It's a good feeling; I like being that guy.  Jeff was mentioning something about AFLAC yesterday, so I should look into that to see what it's all about.  Other than the duck, I got nuthin'.

Best album-openers (as inspired by KEXP)

Radiohead - Airbag (OK Computer)
Pela - Lost to the Lonesome (Anytown Graffiti)
U2 - Where the Streets Have No Name (The Joshua Tree)
And a million others.

- J

3/2/11

It's actually kind of nice out!  I was just out.  And it was kind of nice.  I saw it.
I totally do not feel like a person who has been married for almost half a year.  If you shook me suddenly and said "Wake up, Jeremy!  We just had our wedding a week ago and it was great by the way, but the point being that it's great to be here with you now that we have recently returned from our honeymoon!" I would not at all be shocked and frazzled.  In fact I would feel as if things were accurate and comprehensible.  But five months.... that is as many months as it is possible to count using only one hand.  Any more months than this, and additional counting resources will need to be engaged.
It's still good.  I still like it.  I feel like I have junk, and that it is not-at-all together.  We need to hang pictures.  I think that will help a lot.

I love you.

- J

3/1/11

I'm watching the YouTube highlights of the 2011 slam dunk contest at the NBA all-star game in Vegas.  Maybe it's something built into my Y chromosome, but I just like sports.  I like visceral physical engagement, I like competition.  I like a challenge, and overcoming it.  There's another track running, though, and it's a desire for fairness.  I want the playing field to be level.  In baseball, where there is no salary cap, six of the seven highest-payed players are on one team.  That never sits right with me.  But I wonder if parity is an illusion alltogether.  Every team has a different talent level of ownership, direction, vision, strategy, chemistry, geographic appeal... LeBron James went to Florida arguably because no other good player wanted to join him in Cleveland.  Without having some bizarre sports version of communism, professional sports teams will never really be on even footing.  And if they were, we wouldn't get amazing records like Jordan's Bulls or Brady's Patriots.  Every team would be .500 and no one would watch.
At the heart, I like the contest.  All the attempts to put rules around it and make it "fair" are well-intentioned, but inevitably flawed.  So I try to just enjoy the moments of great personal skill and shrug off the rest.

- J